As much in awe as I am of Dogette’s Pole People, I would never want to live near them. But lucky me, we get Garage People instead – yes, I will have to come up with a more clever name than that. You know these people, they treat their garages like patios, complete with lounge chairs, side tables. Oh yes, and their actual CARS.
We have two such specimens within direct view of our front yard…which seems to be an endless source of fascination for them on a daily basis, seeing as how they’re always gaping when one of us exits our abode. The Garage People on the left I shall dub the Trailerians, because you just KNOW their last home could be towed behind a sturdy truck. The Garage People on the right shall henceforth be known as the Hoodtowners, for their propensity for sitting in their cars with the doors open, sharing what might dubiously be labled “music,” consisting as it seems to of only a dazzling young urbanite, crooning to his gasping lady friend, accompanied by an over-amped drum machine.
The Trailerians have only been permanent residents for about two weeks, but it is already quite well established they make a good bit of trash. Most of it was strewn about the road of our otherwise tidy subdivision this fine morning, wind-blown and rain-sodden. Did they perchance retrieve and properly can it once they returned home from whatever godforsaken Jiffy Lube employs them? Oh hells no, it’s still right there in the fuckin’ street.
The Hoodtowners most visible member is a youngish gentleman who drives something rather quaintly known as a “ricer,” which features as it’s main attraction some sort of muffler that makes the sound of his revving engine as pleasant and comforting as a fork drawn repeatedly and rapidly across diamond plate. It is surely some sort of cosmic joke that this individual is A) compelled to back his POS into the driveway, and B) utterly incapable of managing it with a manual transmission sans an ear-bleeding crescendo of RPMs.
These are our audience members whenever one of us leaves the house to fetch the mail, water the plants, and otherwise carry on with our normal lives – the Trailerians sitting on cases of beer, the Hoodtowners on a spare sofa, these are the days of their lives. There is hope, however. The Trailerians were witnessed this past Saturday employing a cheap gas grill within the confines of their garage. Sure, the door was open, but maybe we’ll get lucky one day and they’ll forget that tiny detail. And the Hoodtowners’ sofa is accessorized with a dilapidated weight bench, which is employed but infrequently by the Ricer Pilot. Here’s hoping the wobble it emits when he plants his Cheeto-devotee ass on it soon develops into a nice case of metal fatigue.
Pardon me, please, I have to go see if Amazon delivered anything today while I was out. Those Garage People are sneaky.
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I’ll NEVER understand people who pretty uch want to LIVE THEIR LIVES in their garages or on their driveways, but it seems to be a *growing* phenomenon if AMPLE anecdotal evidence from around the country is to be trusted in the least.
We actually have a decent driveway but I wouldn’t LIVE on it like some people around here seem to.
Also, there are actual CARS parked inside our garage. No cars parked outside. None. However did we manage this? We must be the only people in the land who park their shit in their garage and CLOSE THE DOORS and live inside the designated dwelling area! COME ON. WTF people? WTF???? Sell some shit on eBay if you have to, but get your cars in the garage AND SHUT THE DOOR. STOP LIVING ON THE DRIVEWAY. WE DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU. GO INSIDE.
Whoa. Got off on a bit of a rant there. Sorry.
dogette
December 1st, 2008
The people across the street from us are garage dwellers as well. What’s creepy about them is that they do this mostly at night, and sit around with the lights off. It’s like they’re running surveillance on the neighborhood from the comfort of their garage. They don’t want to be seen, but want to see YOU. This activity is usually accompanied by beer drinking and the occasional campfire (in a portable metal contraption) right there on the driveway. Good times. Good times…
D.W.
December 1st, 2008
Hey Dogette, Having read about your Pole People on several occasions, I gotta ask for pictures. Nice range day fluff there.
Mister Liberty Girl
December 1st, 2008
Holy Crap, I thought the Garage Dwellers were a localized phenom. I’ve got them all around my South Florida ‘hood, and I just don’t get it.
I too lock the wheels in the garage and enjoy my private backyard, while all around the salsa plays and the Garage Dwellers sit their sofas…TV’s on, too.
Always funny when Mama locks Papa and the boys out, and he has to go around to the front door banging and yelling to get in.
Oh, and, hate to be so long, but I see a lot of my reject furniture going to good use around the ‘hood. So that’s a good thing, I guess. Re-use, Re-cycle.
rick
December 2nd, 2008
I just goggled this topic after my second night of taking a half hour walk in the next neighborhood, because my small street (I just moved here to northern Illinois)has 3 of those garage people….one next door to me and two across the street. I just find it very intimidating and rude to have people sit there and watch across the street…that’s all they can see from their garage. I lived in Idaho for 20 years and never saw people doing this. I have to close my blinds early because I don’t want them invading my privacy. And, yes, I put my car in the garage where it belongs and I keep my garage door closed. I wish I had the guts to ask them why they do this. Maybe it’s because the mosquitoes here are big enough to throw a saddle on and they mostly lurk in the grass of the backyards. Nice to know I’m not the only one who is “bothered” by this type of activity!
midwestagain
July 11th, 2009