Oh mah GOD.
Liberty Dog and I had just emerged from the Liberty Abode, off to pick up the Liberty Kids from their respective schools, when we were transfixed by the sight of one of the Garage People standing in his driveway, wearing absolutely nothing but a pair of excessively baggy navy blue boxers. Being that he’s one of the Trailerians, that of course means he’s meth-chic skinny, and his underoos are dangerously close to falling off his nonexistent ass, potentially – and terrifyingly – exposing his twig and berries.
Liberty Dog and I gave him the requisite fuckeye, since as soon as our own properly-closed garage door began to open, Sir Saggy-Pants began to crane his neck to peer inside, and (somehow magnificently restraining ourselves from (respectively) biting/shooting him in the ass) made our way over to our mailbox. SP managed to remember that was his own task – or was instead suddenly aware of his complete assitude – collected his own mail and blessedly disappeared around the backside (see what I did there?) of his own house.
I swear to Zog, what the fuck is wrong with people??
No, you TOOL, they don’t pass well enough for shorts to actually wear outside. And what the fuck are you doing wandering around in your driveway?? I can *almost* understand making a quick dash out to get the mail, but you were Just Fucking Standing there when we came out. Just gotdamn!
These people are becoming a part of my life. Curse you and your vivid descriptions of Twig & Berry Trailerians!
You should call an exterminator about them.
Funny. Funny. Funny.
Stephen Kruiser
January 9th, 2009
@Stephen Kruiser: Oh yeah, funny for YOU.
Liberty Girl
January 9th, 2009
I miss the days when sitting on the porch with a shotgun in your lap and giving the hairy eyeball to people to people who didn’t behave in public was considered good citizenship.
Tam
January 9th, 2009
@Tam:
You and me both, sister.
Liberty Girl
January 9th, 2009
Wait, it’s illegal to just shoot AT neighbors?
My bad.
Stephen Kruiser
January 9th, 2009
I have to tell you, I just found the good side of this bad economy. There is a family of kooks in our neighborhood with the requisite 82 cars leaking oil on the driveway and the street, grown teenagers drinking while lazing on the front lawn (um, you have a DECK on the BACK of the house!), loud arguments, etc. They aren’t garage people (because a) the garage is side turned, and b) their garage door hasn’t worked in years), but anyway, the other day, I drove past to see a full size dumpster being filled with the contents of the house, and a tow truck taking the cars. Now I just have to worry that this charity http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,459965,00.html that seems to spend time in YOUR state LG, will get a hold of Michigan!
5kidsnadog
January 10th, 2009
Perhaps his saggy PANTS, which would have left just the tops of his ‘drawz’ exposed, had fallen completely off, unnoticed. Of course, this only COMPOUNDS your anxiety, considering the same might well have happened to said ‘drawz’.
Meth. It’s what’s for dinner. (And lunch. Breakfast. Late-night snacks. Whatever.)
@ Tam:
It still is, it’s just (sadly) not widely recognized as such.
B Smith
January 10th, 2009