Rippin’ on Idol

By  ·  April 1st, 2009   

Yes, I watch the fucking thing, sorry.  Disclaimer: I only watch the ones where actual talent and/or creativity is required, ie. Idol, that Dance show (but never the one with celebritards), and Runway (I totally wanted to be a fashion designer when I was 14).  

So, this was originally a comment over at Resurrection Song, but then it got realllllly long, so I decided to bring it over here instead so as not to be a total comment whore. 

I admit I’ve begun watching this damned show on FFW.  I Just. Can’t. Stand. to hear Rocket Scientist Seacrest query Molecular Biologist Jackson, Neurologist Abdul, Psychologist Whatsername, and Organic Chemist Cowell about, well…anything at all really.  I don’t want to hear them talk.  Evar.  When they talk I can hear my brain cells…”help meeeeee!” they cry.  And so I fast forward.

Will not listen to Anoop.  He doesn’t deserve to be there, and I swear, I really don’t want to see his bug eyes anymore.  

Hey Anoop, sorry about the “bug eyes” thing.*

Still love the Megan chick but that could just be latent lesbianism on my part…she’s awfuldamn cute.  Whoever is doing her makeup is OWNING those eyes with the crazy liner colors.  I wish she’d quit being, yes, self-indulgent, and get a grip on what they actually want from her.  Sounding like Stevie Nicks with a pond full of frogs in her throat just ain’t it.

I started out liking Danny but he’s doing that thing (whether physically or metaphorically, matters not)…that dipped shoulder, toe digging in the dirt, peeking out from beneath eyelashes THING that’s just far more appropriate on a 14 year old debutante than a person with actual testicles. He’s convinced he’s just CUTE and we all should be as well. Dammit.  And if you forget he’s cute, did he mention his WIFE DIED???  Heartless bastards.

Oh Allison, dear.  Yes, it’s a crappy outfit, but honestly, the poor girl is genetically cursed.  Maybe she just needs to borrow Megan’s stylist/makeup folks.  

Tonight’s MEAN moment:  Someone should tell Scott that the big boys – Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, etc. – wear the sunglasses for a reason, and it ain’t to look cool.  His wide-eyed vacant look is a REAL problem for me, totally distracts from whatever he’s singing/playing.  He also seems incapable of singing at a faster tempo…in anything at all.  I find myself tapping my hand or foot, trying to get him to catch up with the music.

FFW-ed completely through Matt’s song after the first few bars.  The lead singer of Fray does that song just fine, because his register is a tad higher than Matt’s, and he has a voice suited to the whingy stuff they specialize in.  So, bad choice, bud.

The hell happened to this Lil Rounds chick?  No, not the enormous shelf butt, but her singing?  She was touted as one of the very best when this started, and now she has MAJOR pitch issues.  Maybe it was just an arrangement issue, but damn.

Adam, oh Adam.  You can tell the judges love him because they watch every second of his performance.  Usually Paula’s hanging on Cowell, Kara is whispering in Randy’s ear, but not when this boy is on stage.  You can just see the $$ pop up in their little eyes as they watch this boy prance around.  He’s studio-ready, he’s CD-cover-ready, he’s tour-ready.  They might have to spend some cash buying up embarrassing pictures, but other than that, let’s go!

Kris did a good enough job, managed to make the “ahno ahno ahno” bit of that song – which typically makes me reach for my carry piece – into something more tolerable.  He ain’t old enough to have the requisite amount of soul to really nail that one, though.

Amazing the bonus inane crap you get when someone dumps a pseudonym, eh?

*Bonus points if you can name that movie.

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7 Responses to “Rippin’ on Idol”

  1. Ghostbusters.

    Where do I pick up my prize?

    ReplyReply

    Robb Allen UNITED STATES

  2. You are hereby awarded five bonus points.

    ReplyReply

    Liberty Girl UNITED STATES

  3. I guess I’m just lucky that the antenna doesn’t pull in Fox very clear, else I’d probably have to put up with Idle. Dancing with the Stars is bad enough … but at least while the better half is watching that “stuff”, she doesn’t object to my disappearing to the computer room.

    ReplyReply

    pete in Midland UNITED STATES

  4. Robb Allen wins the internet.
    (yet again)
    You’re my hero.

    ReplyReply

    Sharps shooter UNITED STATES

  5. My wife and daughter LOVE Dancing With the Stars. Me? Meh. However, Cheryl Burke (one of the pro dancers) is SOOOOO easy on the eyes…wow. She almost makes it worth wasting the time to watch.

    ReplyReply

    D.W. UNITED STATES

  6. Maybe you’re younger than me, but Adam bugs me. Loved him all cleaned up (was it last week?), but told my daughter that if she ever brings a guy home who spends that much time on his hair and nails, I’ll be forced to embarass. Something about the visual of a guy putting on his eyeliner, foundation, and nail polish while wielding a manly flat iron and hairspray can is just totally unappetizing. And his singing usually strikes me as highly affected and self worshipping. He doesn’t do anything for me.

    And what’s her head with the outfit this week? I’d like to clean her up too. Her voice is nice, but the hair, etc. has an air of affectation – like trying too hard to be different, but you’re only different like the rest of the people with kool-aid dyed hair and black fingernails. Know what I mean?

    Megan has a nice voice and I thought at first she was unique, but the affect wore off on me. She’s adorable, but there’s only so much Betty Boop I can go for.

    I hate to be all un-PC, but I can’t help but think that Scott remains on the show because he’s blind. His voice is okay, but nothing special. I’m sure he’s a nice guy and all, but he’s not going to win and I wouldn’t buy a song of his anyway. There’s just no hook for me with him.

    I like American Idol because it’s something I can enjoy with my ten year old daughter. She and I cozy up on the couch together and ignore all the maleness that is my home (we are the only two of the female persuasion in my house with 4 sons, a husband, and even a male dog). We love to grouse together when Mr. Obama decides he needs to teleprompter us into oblivion on an Idol night (does he not get that there isn’t anyone who would rather listen to his 13 minute answers to a yes or no question over an episode of American Idol?)

    ReplyReply

    5kidsnadog UNITED STATES

  7. Agree with 99% of what you wrote, especially the Scott thing. Sunglasses, dude. Voice is NOT special at all, I’ll be the one to say it.

    Adam is sort of creeping me out too and the falsetto isn’t my fave.

    Vocals alone, I like Kris. Allison not genetically blessed – - nice way to put it.

    I kinda liked it when Matt was all determined to remain super sulky-faced during the critiques. I was all, “Hey! THAT’S NOT HOW HAPPY SHINY PRIMETIME PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO LOOK!”

    ReplyReply

    dogette UNITED STATES

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