Well, I’d dearly love to post something profound here regarding those bleating ninnies who claim today’s Tea Parties are A) staged, B) useless, and/or C) to be ignored, but I’m too busy fucking FUMING about the technological failure that is my desktop computer.  

It has, in a word, lunched itself.  The combination of errors reported indicate a memory failure, no doubt precipitated by the fucking plastic bag I found stuck up against the side of the tower, so I’ve got 4GB of memory inbound from Crucial, and we’ll be trying a superdisk repair later on, because Dell – those hamfisted fucktards – do not include recovery disks with their systems.  

If all this funtime fails I’ll have to do a complete wipe/reinstall of Windows, which totallysucks since I’ll have to buy an all new copy of the fucking o/s, which we can ill afford at this juncture.  Even better, my Photoshop CS2 copy is two releases behind current, it just never being a convenient time to shell out $200 for the upgrade, so I might have to buy that bitch all over again, as well.

I’m just sayin’, I know times suck, but I might be begging for some donations before this horseshit is through.

Stay safe at the Tea Parties, y’all, and remember: don’t punch a bitch unless you’re sure there are no cameras on you.

LG: Reports: US warships and air assets being dispatched to Maersk Alabama. Captain held hostage in a lifeboat nearby.

MLG: Yup

LG:  christ on a donkey
cant he kill them with his dick or something?

MLG: The bainbridge, right?

LG: or is HE not an American?

MLG:  He’s dutch I think

LG:  well, that explains it

MLG:  Isn’t that veirrrrd?

LG:  haha
blogging this

UPDATE:  The Captain *is* American, so yes, he can kill the pirates with his dick.

Sorry for the dead air over here lately…  Wait, why am I apologizing…you know where I’ve been, you can hie your asses on over there and read shit just as easily as here.  It won’t have quite so many colorful metaphors as here, of course.  GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN!!!

There, I needed that.

Ennyway, by show of hands, who out there doesn’t think this is a Very Bad Idea:

The Pentagon’s 18-year ban on media covering the return of fallen U.S. service members ended with a solemn ceremony for the arrival of a flag-draped casket of an airman felled in Afghanistan.

After receiving permission from family members, the military openedDover Air Force Base in Delaware to the media Sunday night for the return of the body of Air Force Staff Sgt. Phillip Myers of Hopewell, Va.

The 30-year-old airman was killed April 4 near Helmand province, Afghanistan, when he was hit with an improvised explosive device, theDepartment of Defense said.

Myers’ family was the first to be asked under a new Pentagon policy whether it wished to have media coverage of the arrival of a loved one at the Dover base mortuary, the entry point for service personnel killed overseas. The family agreed, but declined to be interviewed or photographed.

Not only NO, but HELLS NO.

Why, you ask?  Gee, hmm, let me think…  Are the thumbless proto-simians who colluded with the most unqualified candidate in decades to snake the highest office in the land going to show anything resembling respect or decency when covering an end-result of a war their slimy little pre-brains firmly believe to be illegal and immoral?

Not only NO, but HELLS NO.  Ergo, Very Bad Idea.

Dear ABC (and you too, Rob Thomas):

Back in ’98 you really had something…Jeremy Piven as a maybe-he’s-crazy, maybe-he’s-not guy who claimed to be Cupid, exiled from Mount Olympus until he matches up so many couples.  He did this with the Piven style (mostly extinct now, btw), the Piven flair, and with the actual ACTING of which Piven has since become incapable.

We. Loved. This. Show.  And when you cancelled it, we contemplated – just for a moment – joining the letter-writing campaign.  (If you knew us you’d know that’s Quite A Big Deal.)

Imagine our dismay to discover that you’re attempting a reboot.  Sure, you got the original writer (Rob, that’s you – who, btw, couldn’t find something NEW to do?), and you got the scrumptious Sarah Paulson, but who the fuck is this guy??

Have you honestly seen a smarmier fuck in all your life?  That’s not Cupid…that’s the guy who carries around roofies just in case your Long Island Iced Tea doesn’t work quite fast enough.  

No. No. No, and just NO.  We’ll not be watching this travesty, this knock-off, this cheap re-tread.

Oh, and you, HONEY…it wasn’t a fucking SITCOM.  It was drama with comedy right where it was needed ( much like life, eh?).  Get a clue.

Not that I live in Texas, but you won’t have to worry about me if this sort of bullshit becomes commonplace:

A disorderly conduct charge brought by an assistant fire marshal against a woman who dropped the F-bomb at Wal-Mart has been dropped, the city’s interim manager said Wednesday.

When reached by phone, Kathryn Fridge, 29, of Texas City, said she was elated to hear the news and felt vindicated.

Alfred A. Decker IV, La Marque assistant fire marshal, cited Fridge on Aug. 4 when he overheard her utter the granddaddy of all expletives. Fridge, who was shopping for batteries with her mother and 2-year-old daughter ahead of Tropical Storm Edouard’s landfall, said “They don’t have any f—— more.”

Decker took Fridge to his car, handcuffed her and wrote her a citation. City Prosecutor Jay Brown dropped the charge March 19, said interim City Manager Eric Gage.

No “disorderly conduct” charge for me, nossir.  One “cockpunch with extreme prejudice” will do me just fine in that situation.

As Joanie (only took me like 8 hours to remember to link this…schwa!) pointed out in email the other day, things have been kinda quiet around here.  I could say that the kids’ schoolwork is to blame, or tons of work to do in the garden – and those things would be true – but the real reason is I’m just fucking pissed off…and there’s only so much freedom I can give to the Pissed Off-ness before it takes the bit between its teeth and bell-towers up.

MLG and I are not what you’d call “radical.”  Not by a long stretch.  Our views are more centrist than strictly Republican, more libertarian (please note the small “l”) than conservative.  For instance, we don’t give a shit what kind of god you worship, or what you do with your own body, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else.  Yes, the latter makes abortion a HUGE grey area, but only for US.  No one has the right to tell anyone else what they will do with their body, or something growing therein, because really, that’s just another form of slavery.

I say again, we are not radicals.  We don’t have a huge stockpile of food/water/supplies in the garage.  We have guns because we enjoy shooting, both for enjoyment and to be able to protect our family/property should the need arise, but we surely don’t sit in darkened rooms, cleaning our rifles and fuming over the current pack of Washington imbeciles pissing all over our Constitution.  But don’t think because we’re not radicals that we’re not angry.  And don’t think even for a second that we’re not paying attention.  Don’t think we haven’t noticed that everything done since Jan. 20 is nothing more than a power grab.  Yes, the economy has issues – all of which would have sorted themselves out had bad mortgages properly foreclosed, weak banks/investment houses been allowed to fail, etc. etc. ad nauseum – but the hysteria being whipped up by our elected officials can trace its origins directly to the effluvia from the posterior of a male bovine.  

We. Are. Being. Scammed. 

From the demonization of Wall Street, to the reverse-elitism directed at AIG, our Dear Leaders are using false information and manufactured fear to further erode our Constitutional rights, solidify their power bases, and ensure that future generations never question any of it.  Well, as the man says, we will not obey.  And now you’ve REALLY gone and screwed up…you’ve motivated us to actually ACT.

We will be attending the nearest Tax Day Tea Party on April 15th.  We’ll be expressing our displeasure, and most importantly, meeting those of like mind who are doing the same.  

Find a tea party in your area, get out and get heard.

MLG’s been brainstorming lately, resulting in our Simon Jester t-shirts (and our Simon Jester site, in progress).  We’re keeping the prices low because we’re more interested in getting the message out than turning a profit.

For the Firefly fans out there, those of us who want nothin’ to do with the gorram Alliance.

Yet more versions on the way.

UPDATE:  Here’s all the tshirt designs (black t-shirts coming in all stores, only done right now for “I Aim to Misbehave.”):

It isn’t law yet, but I swear to fuck, just reading about the Fucktard-in-Chief’s Hitler Youth ambitions is enough to make me run out and join the nearest militia.  

But therein lies a huge problem:  I am, to say the least, a rugged individualist, as is MLG.  Neither of us can see subjugating ourselves to anyone, much less the kind of folks a militia tends to attract.  I’m not going to bend my knee when anyone says so, not for any god, not for any idealogy.

Mister Liberty Girl has a habit I envy, of telling assholes precisely when they’re being assholes.  I would love to join in this practice – I think everyone would be more polite if they were publicly called out for rudeness – but alas my natural inclination to politeness, as yet, cannot be overcome.  (Person-to-person, anyway.)  

Case in point:  Today MLG stopped at a convenience store for smokes (yes, he smokes, STFU), and found himself in line behind a gentleman of color who was purchasing a regrettably stereotyped oversized bottle of beer.  The gentleman was a bit put out by the increased cost of his ’40′ and was berating the gentleman of Indian extraction behind the counter:

“Why you go raising the prices??  I’m a hard workin’ man, I work for a livin’.  I’m goin’ to my job right now and I need my 40!”

The gentleman then turned around to MLG, querying as to his cognizance/approbation of said situation:

“These people come to our country, they take our jobs, and then they raise the prices!”

MLG couldn’t help but notice the chosen headgear of said gentleman, namely one “44 Obama” chapeau.  He tried desperately to circumvent the instinctive, nay DESERVED, response, but alas, out it came:

“Looks like he’s working pretty hard to me.  But you know with Obama’s economic policy the prices on everything are going to go up.”

The gentleman, apparently uninterested in debating economic theory while his ’40′ sweated it’s crispy cold goodness away on the counter, said:

“You gonna lend me a dollar so I can buy my ’40′ and get outta here?”

MLG whipped open his wallet, passed the gentleman a dollar:

“Absolutely.  Might as well start getting used to it.”

I do love that man of mine.

What the entire FUCK???

Show your love for the former USSR during training time in this adidas Marx A-Flex Russia cap, featuring a six-panel low-crown fit, deep pre-curved brim, an Always Cool™ sweatband to wick away the moisture, and a hammer-and-sickle graphic.

May I ask which member of your clearly brain-damaged artistic team came up with this winner?  Five bucks says his/her mother was near-naked, filthy, covered in patchouli, and fucking anything that moved/possessed  THC-bearing products 30 years ago.

And the copy:  ”Show your love for the former USSR…”  I’m just going to assume you fucktards are all about seventeen years old – and products of our AMAZING public school system to boot – ergo have never even heard of Communism, Lenin, Stalin, or the millions of people who DIED under their disgusting “ideals.”

But don’t worry, I’m sure it’s been long enough.  Surely only crazy old gun-clingers remember all that crap.

(Via Conservative Punk)

UPDATE:  Alert reader Kristopher tells us Adidas has come to its senses and and removed the USSR hat.  A quick perusal of their site shows a fucking  CUBA hat to which we can easily redirect our ire.

Show your love for the Republic of Cuba in this adidas Marx A-Flex Cuba cap, featuring a six-panel low-crown fit, deep pre-curved brim, an Always Cool™ sweatband to wick away the moisture and a star graphic on the front.

Adidas, you pack of unwashed retards, there’s not a person on that bloody island who could tell you the definition of the word “Republic,” (they’re too busy starving to gain a classical education, you see) so why don’t you knock off the lefty theatrics, eh?

UPDATE THE SECOND:  The Cuba hat is now toast.  Power to the people!

Dear Detroit:

Why won’t you die??

With hate,

LG