I am trying trying trying to understand the Leftards who CONTINUE to whinge that the weekend’s madness is still somehow the fault of conservatives in general, and Palin in particular, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

I tried for reason.

Now I’m just fucking pissed off.

So let’s break it down…

• You’re pants-shittingly terrified of guns, who knows why.  Maybe big noises just scare you.  More likely the thought of such power in your own inadequate hands simply terrifies you.  Self-control is HARD, as we concealed-carriers know all too well.  It is a struggle, I tell you, to keep from perforating everyone who irritates me on a daily basis.  (That’s SARCASM there, for the sarcasm-impaired.  The fact that I even have to type that sentence makes me look longingly at the cheese grater.)
• Your mommy and your daddy taught you that you Deserve Things, not through hard work or merit, but JUST BECAUSE.  And if you kick your widdle feet and yell loud enough for it, you’ll get it.  Somehow your kindergarten teacher failed to teach you the meaning of the word “fair,” so you made up your very own definition.  Usage example:  ”Whatever *I* want is fair.”

It’s not any more complicated than that.

And Sarah Palin, for fuck’s sake?  Leaving out completely that a simple bullseye graphic on a map has been used since time immemorial by Dems, Reps, hell, probably even Egyptians (“Ali!  I want to target this area for my next pyramid!”), it looks to us like poor Sarah just scares the hell out of you, because she can’t understand how STUPID you think she is and that you really really really want her to shut up.  Here’s a newsflash for you:

Most of us conservatives don’t particularly like her, wouldn’t vote for her as dogcatcher.

Shocking?  Not if you were paying attention.  Easier to sit behind your computers and spew your insane vitriol all over the internets.  As the man says:

If you begin any statement with a variation of “Sarah Palin/GOP/Rightwing didn’t pull the trigger BUT…” you start off in hole of idiocy.

It is time to be done, children.

Dear Ionia School System Administrators:

This past week you suspended a 6 year old for making the shape of a gun with his pudgy little pitters, claiming it “made other students uncomfortable.”

As the mother of a previously-6 year old, I shall now elucidate for you exactly what engenders a state of uncomfortableness for a child of that age:

• Having to go pee pee.
• Having to go doo doo.
• Being kissed on the cheek by Susie.
• Being kissed on the cheek by Grandma.

Pretty much everything else is met with 100mph enthusiasm and the same lack of worry exhibited by a 3 month old Labrador Retriever.

I know at least some of you have to be parents, have observed the same relative unconcern and resiliency in your own young children, so kindly do us all a favor and stop “showing your asses” as my mother would say.  A kindergartener is not going to set off the next Columbine, you astonishing pack of morons.

Well, you can all relax now, South Carolina has it figured out:

Terrorists who want to overthrow the United States government must now register with South Carolina’s Secretary of State and declare their intentions — or face a $25,000 fine and up to 10 years in prison.

The state’s “Subversive Activities Registration Act,” passed last year and now officially on the books, states that “every member of a subversive organization, or an organization subject to foreign control, every foreign agent and every person who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States … shall register with the Secretary of State.”

I sincerely hope the good citizens of South Carolina take a look at the nard who sponsored this stinking waste of taxpayer dollars, and unelect them posthaste.

Come on, we all knew they believed it.  They’re just now getting around to talking about it.

Funny how a grown-up man – much less an alleged professional journalist – hasn’t the capability to be embarrassed by the drivel coming out of his piehole.

(Via this guy.)

I’m sure you’ve heard the Commander-in-Thief took his woman out on a date the other night…

The fact that this son of a whore didn’t pay for that bullshit himself tells you everything you need to know about him.*

*To the inevitable comment from the Faithful:  Yes, I realize other Presidents have probably done similar…but not after bleating so very publicly that “we’re all going to have to make some sacrifices.”  Fucking hypocrite can officially blow it out his ass.

Just sayin’…

Oh MAH gad.  How can anyone ever THINK of having something as déclassé as a CHICKEN right in their very BACK YARD??

Dear Pseudo-Elitist Fucktard:

(I call you a “pseudo” elitist  because if you were truly elitist you wouldn’t be blogging for a living, eh?)  You pathetic, whingy infants make me ill, with your dirt-shall-never-touch-this-manicure sensibilities.  Just how do you suppose you reached your current ivory tower-esque height, little man….by springing forth from the forehead of a convenient deity?  No, your foregoers tilled the land, husbandried the animals, GREW THEIR OWN FUCKING FOOD.  

And they did it all, somehow, without being sneering, contemptuous asstards.  I’m sure they’re looking down on you from Valhalla right now, wondering why your parents failed to raise you with anything resembling respect for those who work so hard to provide everything you snap up weekly at your local Whole Foods.  Think all that just falls out of a gigantic horn of plenty, do you?  

Having chickens in the yard does not automatically mean “poor,” nor does it mean “survivalist nutbar.”  I would have chickens in a heartbeat if our lot size was large enough to meet the local livestock codes, because fresh eggs ROCK, you nard.  And – I know this is going to be a difficult concept for you to grasp – things you’ve grown yourself (seeds you’ve started, plants you’ve tended, fruits you’ve harvested, livestock you’ve nurtured) JUST TASTE BETTER.  It is partly because the results are “fresh off the vine,” and partly the intense satisfaction of having bygod done it yourself. 

But I can see how the latter would be a completely alien concept for you, seeing as how it requires getting all DIRTY and stuff.  

Signed With Hooting Derision,
Liberty Girl

I’m sure none of my 342 regular readers is at all surprised to hear this:

Nevertheless, about that “surprise visit”.

It wasn’t. The visit was communicated a full 24 hours in advance and a small contingent of soldiers – not screaming hoards – were rustled into a meeting place at Camp Victory.

Got this email from a sergeant that was there.

“We were pre-screened, asked by officials “Who voted for Obama?”, and then those who raised their hands were shuffled to the front of the receiving line. They even handed out digital cameras and asked them to hold them up.”

Take a look at the picture at AP and notice all the cameras are the same models? Coincidence? I think not.

I’m SHOCKED, I tell you.  *yawn*

(Via Transterrestrial Musings)

Hey cockbiters…put me on your list, mmkay?  Right there at the top.  Because I am not just Anti-Obama, I am also Anti-Fucktard, and you fellas are all fucktarded up.

(Via AoS)

Dear Elitist Pricks (that’s YOU!):

Thanks so much for continuing to confirm that when you say, “We all have to sacrifice,” what you really mean is, “YOU all have to sacrifice.  Me, I’m having custom fucking pizza, bitches.”  

Look, I realize you fucking amateurs are totally new to this game, so here’s a free hint:  If you’re going to indulge in conspicuous consumption then maybe you’d better shut the entire fuck up about everyone else’s.

As MLG says, “You want skin in the game?  You can have the skin of my fucking nutsack.”

Love,
People Who Hate You More and More Each Day