Joanie reminds me of the perils of neighborhood living, and the delicious gossip my barely-tolerated next door neighbor sidled over to dispense the other day.  It seems the Garage People have become somewhat reduced in number, thanks to two of the pack getting the old heave ho from the Alpha Female (read: mortgage holder).  

Sir Saggy-Pants (who has increasingly fucking irritated me with his very presence, not to mention his utterly unwarranted swagger, propensity for going about half-clothed, and general antagonism towards neighborhood children) and the Father Figure (who had a nerve-wracking habit of belting out the latest country hit whilst standing shirtless in his driveway, clutching a beer in one hand and idly scratching his increasingly deer jerky-like hide with the other) have been tossed the fuck out, most likely due to their complete lack of material contribution to the Cause over there.  Well, other than that SWEET bench seat stolen from the interior of some hapless van, I’m sure.  

Nosy Neighbor has it that the boy is all of 15 years old, never attended school (to this I can personally vouch, working from home as I do), and was known to amble about the neighborhood with a brewsky of his own screwed into his pubescent fist.  I do wish I had known the child was less than the age of independence, I would have delighted in turning his truant ass in.  Ah well, too late now.  And the reward is no more bad country, no more saggy underpants, and no more duck eggs thrown at my vehicle and neighboring houses.  The Muscovy population around here may recover yet.

Solidifying the power base.  That’s what this is.   Grant unearned citizenship to every wetback in the joint and you (or at least your shitwhale party) is guaranteed ascendancy.

Yeah?  Well, only if the fuckers actually stop raping our children and murdering everyone around them to actually get out and vote, eh?

I have days where I can merrily sling snark at this toilet bowl of an administration and then I have days where I’m SERIOUSLY disappointed that Iran hasn’t yet figured out how to nuke D.C.

You, who was a leading voice for INSANITY during Dubya’s 8 years, DO NOT GET TO LECTURE ME ON PATRIOTISM.

“You can root for the opposition party to fail and not be unpatriotic,” Maher added. “He should be given the benefit of the doubt. I would say he scares me the way so many other right-wingers scare me. I don’t know when they’re more scary: when they’re in power or out of power? Out of power, the paranoia goes through the roof. Glenn Beck talks about a totalitarian nation. They pull this out of the air. Democrats have never said boo about guns since Al Gore lost Tennessee in 2000.”

You should be frightened, little man.  Because if I ever have the misfortune to breathe the same air as you, then you can bet your last dollar that sharp stabby pain you’ll be feeling is me kicking you in the nuts.

*Guess the movie.  Yes, again.

You fucking people, you shitbrained moron 52s, just Do Not Get It.  

You inbred, forebrain-rotted, goat-fucking Congressional assmonkeys just Do Not Get It.

Let me spell it the fuck out for you:

YOU

DO

NOT

TELL

ME

WHAT

TO

DO

You try it, and see what it gets you.  

You try it on MY KIDS, and just SEE what the fuck it gets you.

I have to ask those of my 152 loyal readers who might be somewhat older than my own 39 years…have you ever seen any-fucking-thing like this?

White House and GM sources had told CNN Sunday that Wagoner would resign as part of the federal government’s bailout strategy for the troubled automaker.

“On Friday I was in Washington for a meeting with Administration officials. In the course of that meeting, they requested that I ‘step aside’ as CEO of GM, and so I have,” Wagoner said in a statement posted to the GM Web site.

I mean, of course, in a NON-communist country?

As Joanie (only took me like 8 hours to remember to link this…schwa!) pointed out in email the other day, things have been kinda quiet around here.  I could say that the kids’ schoolwork is to blame, or tons of work to do in the garden – and those things would be true – but the real reason is I’m just fucking pissed off…and there’s only so much freedom I can give to the Pissed Off-ness before it takes the bit between its teeth and bell-towers up.

MLG and I are not what you’d call “radical.”  Not by a long stretch.  Our views are more centrist than strictly Republican, more libertarian (please note the small “l”) than conservative.  For instance, we don’t give a shit what kind of god you worship, or what you do with your own body, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else.  Yes, the latter makes abortion a HUGE grey area, but only for US.  No one has the right to tell anyone else what they will do with their body, or something growing therein, because really, that’s just another form of slavery.

I say again, we are not radicals.  We don’t have a huge stockpile of food/water/supplies in the garage.  We have guns because we enjoy shooting, both for enjoyment and to be able to protect our family/property should the need arise, but we surely don’t sit in darkened rooms, cleaning our rifles and fuming over the current pack of Washington imbeciles pissing all over our Constitution.  But don’t think because we’re not radicals that we’re not angry.  And don’t think even for a second that we’re not paying attention.  Don’t think we haven’t noticed that everything done since Jan. 20 is nothing more than a power grab.  Yes, the economy has issues – all of which would have sorted themselves out had bad mortgages properly foreclosed, weak banks/investment houses been allowed to fail, etc. etc. ad nauseum – but the hysteria being whipped up by our elected officials can trace its origins directly to the effluvia from the posterior of a male bovine.  

We. Are. Being. Scammed. 

From the demonization of Wall Street, to the reverse-elitism directed at AIG, our Dear Leaders are using false information and manufactured fear to further erode our Constitutional rights, solidify their power bases, and ensure that future generations never question any of it.  Well, as the man says, we will not obey.  And now you’ve REALLY gone and screwed up…you’ve motivated us to actually ACT.

We will be attending the nearest Tax Day Tea Party on April 15th.  We’ll be expressing our displeasure, and most importantly, meeting those of like mind who are doing the same.  

Find a tea party in your area, get out and get heard.

MLG’s been brainstorming lately, resulting in our Simon Jester t-shirts (and our Simon Jester site, in progress).  We’re keeping the prices low because we’re more interested in getting the message out than turning a profit.

For the Firefly fans out there, those of us who want nothin’ to do with the gorram Alliance.

Yet more versions on the way.

UPDATE:  Here’s all the tshirt designs (black t-shirts coming in all stores, only done right now for “I Aim to Misbehave.”):

It isn’t law yet, but I swear to fuck, just reading about the Fucktard-in-Chief’s Hitler Youth ambitions is enough to make me run out and join the nearest militia.  

But therein lies a huge problem:  I am, to say the least, a rugged individualist, as is MLG.  Neither of us can see subjugating ourselves to anyone, much less the kind of folks a militia tends to attract.  I’m not going to bend my knee when anyone says so, not for any god, not for any idealogy.

Guess the city:

A North Side high school has been evacuated as a precaution after a chemical was found in the school Monday morning.

A Level 1 HazMat situation was called about 10:45 a.m. at Senn High School at 5900 N. Glenwood Ave., according to Fire Media Affairs spokesman Quention Curtis.

The school was evacuated as a precaution after a chemical believed to be chlorine was found near the pool, Curtis said.

Chicago, you damn betcha.  The same city of unicorn farts and extra special hopeychange that gave us our current International Embarrassment, now gives us a school that’s panicked by the presence of CHLORINE near a fucking POOL.  

Weep for the fucking future, people.

Because I just know my comment on CNN’s site in response to this utter horseshit will be one of those not posted due to “volume of comments we receive,” I’m posting it here, for the enjoyment of all:

“President Obama has done more in eight weeks than George W. Bush did in eight years — unless you include starting a couple of wars.”

Right you are. He’s put our country into debt into the next four generations. He’s alienated our closest allies, mortally offended every man and woman who ever wore a uniform and sacrificed in defense of our country, and repeatedly exhibited his contempt for our Constitution. But as long as he gets to be interviewed on Leno, throw Hollywood glitterazzi parties, and get regular tongue baths from third-rate “journalists,” well, that must make it all just hunky dory.

Beautiful work, Cafferty, keep it up! Oh, and wipe your chin, there’s something on it.

These idiots aren’t even useful.

Mister Liberty Girl has a habit I envy, of telling assholes precisely when they’re being assholes.  I would love to join in this practice – I think everyone would be more polite if they were publicly called out for rudeness – but alas my natural inclination to politeness, as yet, cannot be overcome.  (Person-to-person, anyway.)  

Case in point:  Today MLG stopped at a convenience store for smokes (yes, he smokes, STFU), and found himself in line behind a gentleman of color who was purchasing a regrettably stereotyped oversized bottle of beer.  The gentleman was a bit put out by the increased cost of his ’40′ and was berating the gentleman of Indian extraction behind the counter:

“Why you go raising the prices??  I’m a hard workin’ man, I work for a livin’.  I’m goin’ to my job right now and I need my 40!”

The gentleman then turned around to MLG, querying as to his cognizance/approbation of said situation:

“These people come to our country, they take our jobs, and then they raise the prices!”

MLG couldn’t help but notice the chosen headgear of said gentleman, namely one “44 Obama” chapeau.  He tried desperately to circumvent the instinctive, nay DESERVED, response, but alas, out it came:

“Looks like he’s working pretty hard to me.  But you know with Obama’s economic policy the prices on everything are going to go up.”

The gentleman, apparently uninterested in debating economic theory while his ’40′ sweated it’s crispy cold goodness away on the counter, said:

“You gonna lend me a dollar so I can buy my ’40′ and get outta here?”

MLG whipped open his wallet, passed the gentleman a dollar:

“Absolutely.  Might as well start getting used to it.”

I do love that man of mine.