Dear 10:10:  Go directly to hell.  Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.

(I apologize for my lack of eloquence, I am literally FURIOUS.)

Can’t wait for PETA to claim this is what we get for spilling the nasty oilses into the Gulf…

A day on the water for a Sarasota County family took a nasty turn on Sunday as a 30 pound, 45 inch long barracuda jumped into a boat and attacked a 14-year-old girl.

Wonder if we could train ‘em to attack China…

Well, I thought my Tweet was everything I had to say on the extraordinarily laughable concept of “animal privacy rights” but it seems that is not the case because I would give good money to A) know what doctorate Msieu Mills actually holds, and B) where the fuck is East Anglia.  I can see how being a “senior lecturer in the School of Film and Television Studies” might give one the illusion that one has Important And Smart Things To Say, but this waste of oxygen knocks the shit right out of that notion.

“It might at first seem odd to claim that animals might have a right to privacy. Privacy, as it is commonly understood, is a culturally human concept. The key idea is to think about animals in terms of the public/private distinction. We can never really know if animals are giving consent, but they often do engage in forms of behavior which suggest they’d rather not encounter humans, and we might want to think about equating this with a desire for privacy.”

Ok, Sparky, I’m going to give you a skosh of credit for at least acknowledging that “privacy” is a human kink (one typically installed by your friendly neighborhood cult religion), but everything else you’re saying is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

Let’s engage the logical bits of our brain, shall we?  Two animals meet, like the smell of each other, instinct takes over, etc.  Any notion of “privacy” these two might in the least entertain has absolutely everything to do with not being predated in the middle of a vulnerable moment, and nothing whatsoever to do with those crazy bipeds ogling the process.  Survival of the fittest, you freaking moron, not modesty, not shame, not any of the bullshit baggage you bring to your own fumbling attempts.

I have a feeling this entire “study” stems from an embarrassing incident in someone’s pants while watching monkeys at the zoo, and “publication” in this case is simply a cheap form of attempted therapy.

Imagine, if you will, the largest television in the world.   This thing is huge, I’m telling you, bigger than the biggest movie theater screen, bigger than any outdoor drive-in screen.  It’s so large it has to be supported by dozens of telephone poles (the cast concrete ones, not the plain old wood), and you have to stand back several football field-lengths just to see the entire screen.

Are you imagining it?  Good.

Now imaging this enormous television turned on, volume cranked up to the max, and not tuned to any station.

There, that’s the very same sound this article makes.  

That’s the sound of Global Warmening^TM, people.  The sound of a worldwide con.

No really!

GREEN campaigners called police after discovering an illegal logging site in a nature reserve – only to find the culprits were a gang of beavers.

Environmentalists found 20 neatly stacked tree trunks and others marked with notches for felling at a beauty-spot in Subkowy, northern Poland.

But when officers followed a trail left by a tree which had been dragged away, they found a beaver dam right across the river, as reported by the Austrian Times.

A police spokesman said: “The campaigners are feeling pretty stupid. There’s nothing more natural than a beaver.”

Ain’t touching that last line with a ten foot pole.  

Oh, sorry.

Five bucks says the eco-thugs steal over in the dead of night and club those uppity beavers to death for daring to nibble on Mother Gaia’s, er…sacred body hairs?  Sure, we’ll go with that.