In a stunning display of oneupmanship, I’ve taken Tam’s jalapeno/feta cheese notion and kicked it the hell up a notch….

Half and gut the peppers, coat the halves in bread crumbs, stuff with sundried tomatoes, and top with feta cheese.  Bake until golden/bubbly and serve with fresh lime-spritzed avocado slices.

Oh, and please remind me to never touch anything/anyone for the next five to seven days.  (Sorry MLG!)

Another piece of the Me Puzzle *eyeroll* is the writing I do over at 100 Words.  I LOVE writing, and I HATE writing.  Those of you who do it will surely understand.  As The Master said, “Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.”  

I have stories upon stories spinning around in my brain, most of which pretty much never end up on paper the way I envision them.  But I keep slinging.  If any of you enjoy writing flash fiction, join us over there.  We post a theme every Monday through Friday, and our readers may contribute their own 100 word stories in the comment section of the theme post. 

Speaking of writing, we hit a bookstore the morning before heading off to the beach last weekend, where I regrettably picked up this utter piece of tripe.  

Twenty-two of today’s most talented writers (and comics fans) unite in Who Can Save Us Now?, an anthology featuring brand-new superheroes equipped for the threats and challenges of the twenty-first century — with a few supervillains thrown in for good measure. Edited and with contributions by Owen King(We’re All in This Together) and John McNally (America’s Report Card), Who Can Save Us Now? enriches the superhero canon immeasurably.

With mutations stranger than the X-Men and with even more baggage than the Hulk, this next generation of superheroes is a far cry from your run-of-the-mill caped crusader. From the image-conscious and not-very-mysterious masked meathead who swoops in and sweeps the tough girl reporter off her feet; to the Meerkat, who overcomes his species’ cute and cuddly image to become the resident hero in a small Midwestern city; to the Silverfish, “the creepy superhero,” who fights crime while maintaining the slipperiest of identities; to Manna Man, who manipulates the minds of televangelists to serve his own righteous mission, these protectors (and in some cases antagonizers) of the innocent and the virtuous will delight literary enthusiasts and comic fans alike.

It sounds good, doesn’t it?  But seeing as how I found it in the FICTION section (instead of in the Fantasy/Sci-Fi section, where people tell Actual Stories) it is instead filled with inane scribblings the likes of which you might expect to find in a battered spiral notebook decorated with skulls and Hello Kitties, left forgotten in the school bathroom by the 8th grade’s lone, miserable goth chick.  

Seriously, I’m three stories into this thing and I already long to toss it into our non-existent fireplace.  Story one had some potential, sort of a Superman as told by a jaded/cynical/envious/horny Lois Lane.  The second was more something that might come out during court-ordered psychiatric visits.  And the third was straight from some pre-teen’s nightstand dream diary. 

Look, people…when they say “write what you know” the implication is “oh, and tell a fucking story, you moron.”  A vignette from your nightmares, a half-recalled childhood fantasy…these do not adequate stories make, not even SHORT stories.  They’re rather like spiderwebs:  no substance and certainly no flavor.  

I’m going to finish reading the thing, mainly because I have nothing else to read until the new Harry Dresden arrives, but I fully expect to need a freaking Bat Signal before I’m done.

Nicked from Laura, and presented – as they say – in lieu of actual content:

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

Sort of. In my wild 20s, was speeding rather hard through North Carolina, apparently pulled sufficient attitude with the cop that he escorted me to the station and held me without charges until my parents paid the extortion fee to release me. This included a cursory sort of pat down. Still fucking hate North Carolina.

2. Do you close your eyes on a roller coaster? 

Back when I rode them, no.

3. When’s the last time you’ve been sledging? 

I’m a SOUTHERNER.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? 

I have become thoroughly accustomed to sleeping next to Mister Liberty Girl (we have this separate bedclothes system that I believe is the secret to a happy marriage), but the answer any other time would be alone.

5. Do you believe in ghosts? 

Puhleeze.

6. Do you consider yourself creative? 

As do many others, yes.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?

Without question.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?

Dammit. It ordinarily would be the dangerous one, but I can’t really forgive the poaching thing, so neither.

9. Can you honestly say you know anything about politics?

Absofuckinglutely. And not one person currently involved in in same should actually be there.

10. Do you know how to play poker? 

Indeed, and not that Texas Hold Em bullshit either. Five card, seven card, and dragon poker. I do wish we had nearby friends so we could have an actual poker night.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

Not even when I was young enough to physically do it. I am a devoted sleeper.

12. What’s your favorite commercial? 

These Career Builder ads remain a favorite, remind me (honestly) of my days working for a government contractor in the Aerospace industry:

13. Who was your first love?

Um. Some boy in grade school no doubt. You can see it left an impression.

14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?

No. Much to my disgust I’m a fundamentally honest person.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? 

Probably, but it’s of miniscule importance considering I can’t even recall it at the moment.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?

After years of devotion to the Oakland A’s (grew up watching a farm team), baseball died for me during the second to last strike. Spoiled babies.

17. Have you ever been ice skating? 

I’m a SOUTHERNER.

18. How often do you remember your dreams? 

All the time. Major story-writing fodder there.

19. What’s the one thing on your mind? 

Liberty Son’s stubbornness regarding his schoolwork.

20. Do you always wear your seat belt? 

Yes. I never used to but then I acquired people who loved me and didn’t want me dead. Glad of the habit as of a couple of years ago when we were t-boned by a minivan-driving bitch and rolled over three times.

21. What talent do you wish you had? 

Javelin throwing? No, I have no idea. I can paint, draw, sing, shoot, cook, grow things, sew, etc. etc.  I suppose those are all skills though…therefore I’d like the talent to become invisible.  Oh yes, the places I’d go.

22. Do you like sushi? 

Oh HELLS yes.

23. What do you wear to bed?

Mister Liberty Girl.

24. Do you truly hate anyone?

I’m a SCORPIO for fuck’s sake. I hold grudges until they die, then I have them stuffed and mounted.

25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?

Well, since I consider most of them too freaking stupid to chew gum… Based purely on hormonal reaction, I’d have to say Daniel Craig.  (Um, MLG, can you pick up the new Bond movie today on your way home, kthx.)  Square-jawed Saxon types (like MLG) just Do It For Me.

26. Do you know anyone in jail?

Currently, no.

27. What food do you find disgusting?

Offal. Unless you honestly have nothing else there’s really no freakin’ point.

28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? 

Of course, but not in a MEAN way.

29. Have you ever been punched in the face?

Let’s see…6th grade or so. He hit me and I fuckin’ well hit him back.

30. Do you believe in angels and demons?

*sigh* No. And that’s all I’m sayin’ about that.

No tagging, play along as you like.

Make your own.

And another one…

The 150 most common words used on this site.  I’m honestly surprised – and somewhat disappointed – the word “fucking” isn’t the biggest. 

Make your own here.

Oh. Mah. Gad.  Did you know this?  I didn’t know this.  Just shredded 5 yards of foil and a finger this very weekend in my ignorance.

How come nobody tells me nothin’?

Too busy today for actual snark (well, until later, when we will discuss precisely how fucked up you are as a culture when you offer your CHILD to a fuckbag whose only claim to fame is chucking a shoe at somebody), so here’s a meme instead.

Do you remember your first favorite song? If so, what was it?

Not at all.  I do remember coming back from overseas and my schoolmates being aghast that I’d never heard of Devo.  Good times.

What do you refuse to eat?

Boiled anything.  Most things have a nice flavor if you cook them correctly.

Have you ever injected any kind of drug before? 

I volunteered at the Humane Society one summer when I was 15, and did the Parvo/Rabies vaccinations on the new acquisitions.  

Oh, into myself??  Just insulin when I had gestational diabetes while preggers with Liberty Daughter.  No large deal.

Do amusement park rides make you sick? 

Just the teacup ride.  The spinning, oh the spinning.  

Who is your favorite Star Wars character? 

Han Solo, of course.  I married the nearest analog…no doubt why he’s been trying to get me into a metal bikini all these years.

What kind of cheese do you put on your sandwiches? 

Provolone, preferrably melty.

What was the first thing you ever learned how to cook?

I was trying chocolate mousse and divinity candy when I was a kid.  The kitchen holds no mystery for me.

Did you ever collect beanie babies?

Oh FUCK no.  And I was properly contemptuous of my friends who did.

When was the last time you got a haircut? 

Erm, months ago.  Been in Florida for nearly 8 years now, haven’t yet found a regular haircutter.  Untrustworthy fucks.

Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party? 

Not a decent one.  Apparently everyone I know is boring.

Where are you most ticklish on your body?

Feet.  I curse the day my kids found this out.

Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail? 

Yes. 

What’s the last board game you played?

Sorry, with the kids.  Cutthroat little bastards.

Do you still own any VHS tapes?

Nope.  We’re big believers in decluttering.  Except our garage, oy.

Do you shop at JC Penney’s ever? 

Only in the past because we had credit there.  Now that we’ve eschewed credit, never.

If there was a real Jurassic Park, would you visit it? 

Sure, as long as I could bring along the appropriate accessories.

Do you ever read the newspaper? 

Surely you jest.  The last time I bought a newspaper it was to use as weed block under my landscaping mulch.

Do you eat your mac & cheese with a fork or a spoon? 

Spoon.  Must scoop up cheesy goodness.  *licks plate*

Is there any medicine/pill you take every day? 

Afrin, up the schnozz.  Fuckin’ Florida is trying to kill me.

How many 20 dollar bills do you have on you right now? 

Zero.  I never carry cash.  Ever.

Would you do meth if it was legalized? 

Not only no but FUCK no.  #1, there’s less disgusting ways to get high.  #2, I don’t go for substances that include a loss of control as a feature not a bug.  And #3, EW.

Do you think Obama will be assassinated? 

Nope.  I think the proles are going to be happy with the State Handouts and he’ll be “elected” President-for-Life by March ‘09.

Have you ever made out with someone and then never saw them again?

More times than I care to remember.

Do you drink egg nog?

Nom.

What are you wearing? 

Jeans, a black t-shirt, black/white Adidas slides.  This is as good as it gets most days.

Well, that was fun.  Zzzzz…..

Via Parkway Rest Stop

It’s Friday.  I have craploads of work to do today, Mister Liberty Girl has a project deadline, Liberty Son has makeup schoolwork, and Liberty Daughter has a soccer tournament this weekend, so the following presentation is in lieu of actual content.

Knowing, as we do, that it is more likely we’ll be eaten by a T-Rex than win the lottery, Mister Liberty Girl and I still find it amusing to occasionally indulge in the What-If game.  (C’mon, you’ve all done it.)

Land would be right there on the top of the list.  With a Big Fucking Fence around it.  Next would be the house I’ve been working on since I was a design student in college, based on ancient Roman structures with a huge garden space in the center of an open square building.  Oh the bathroom this house would have…  Huge, warm, not-slippery, tons of water, air dryers, etc.  If you’ve read Heinlein’s Time Enough For Love then you’ve read about both the house and the bathroom.  

Yes, I am a Heinlein devotee, as is Mister Liberty Girl.  Deal.

The kitchen would likewise be a granite-topped, mahogany-cabineted, super-gadgeted haven for cooks.  And it’d have one of these things. 

Dedicated water line.  Bean hopper.  Water reservoir for a proper steam.   And a guy who comes out every other Thursday to service the damned thing.

So, what would you all do with your lottery winnings?

UPDATE:  Mister Liberty Girl has requested a “metric assload” of these for the Compound^TM perimeter.