You’re being had, people.

Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt and “Girls Gone Wild” chief Joe Francis announced Wednesday that they have sent a joint request to Congress asking for a $5 billion federal bailout to help the adult entertainment industry weather difficult financial times. 

The duo contends that while the industry is still viable, the sagging economy has had an impact.

“People are too depressed to be sexually active,” Flynt said. “This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex.” 

According to Flynt and Francis, adult DVD sales and rentals have decreased by 22 percent in the past year, and viewers are increasingly turning to the Internet for adult entertainment. 

Francis said the money for the $13 billion industry would be “just to see us through hard times.”

If you’re not, if this is actually not a massive poke in the eye from Flynt – who is smart enough for it, make no mistake…that fucker Francis is just along for the ride – then I sincerely hope it causes an apoplexy in a key number of senior Senators and Representatives grave enough to effect their immediate retirement.  

And WTF is MY bailout??   The well’s going to run dry eventually, you pricks.

Via Speak, Dog! Speak! we have another honoree for the Disgraceful Hypocrite List, Ms. Gillian Anderson:

A source close to the 40-year-old star revealed to Britain’s Daily Express newspaper: “Gillian has enjoyed living in London in recent years but made it clear she’d consider moving back to the US if Obama won. 

“Now that Obama’s heading for the White House, she feels she could bring up her children in the kind of America she wants them to experience, rather than a country run by current President George Bush.”

Don’t you all just hate how Dubya has come to your homes and personally turned your children into jack-booted, M-16 waving, GOP party-line spouting thugs?  Xst, I really HATE IT when a President does that.  It’s just rude.

Seriously…Hollywood?  ENTERTAIN ME, then shut the entire fuck up.

Well, I see they’re all just lining up to get on my Disgraceful Hypocrite List.

…we found out what Nikki Reed’s wardrobe will be when she heads off to Europe on Monday to promote “Twilight.”

“It’s been difficult being an actress and going to other countries and representing your country and just being embarrassed, embarrassed all the time,” the 20-year-old said in regards to her not-so stimulated American Pride prior to Obama’s election. “But now I’m leaving for Europe on Monday to do press for “Twilight” and I’m wearing a big Obama sticker on my back.”

Good for you, honey!  You’re not only the proud owner of the #3 slot on the DH list, but you also have abysmal fashion sense!  We’ll check in with you in about 15 years when you’ve had a chance to live, grow, and have your head extracted from your ass.

Oh My GOD, what in the name of hell is going on here??

Ben Affleck is visiting refugee camps in war-torn eastern Congo, where at least 250,000 people have been displaced by recent fighting, and says more aid money is needed.

The actor has visited the Central African country four times since 2007 and also has made a documentary about its problems.

“I’m not an expert in international affairs or diplomacy, but it doesn’t take that to see the tremendous suffering here,” he told The Associated Press on Thursday in Goma, the regional capital. “It’s not something that we as human beings can, in good conscience, ignore.”

Bennie, Benzo, Bentard…  Son, I used to like you.  You and your heterosexual life partner Mattie made a gorgeous little movie, a shitpot of money, and all of a sudden you’re an expert on international affairs?  I don’t think so.

Yes, almost the entirety of Africa is one huge stinking cesspool of corruption and failure, and we have been pouring money into it by the C-130-full since the dawn of fucking time…kindly notice it hasn’t made one eensy bit of difference.  Hell, the pirates in Somalia are credited with rejuvenating that “country’s” “economy” with the ransom money they bring in.  And honestly, since they’re countrymen, they have a better chance of bootstrapping that shithole than do we over-privileged whities.

So, son, why don’t you recall the fact that you have a tiny child at home, another one on the way, and remove your amateur ass from the firing line.  You want to save Africa?  Well, Africa has to want to save itself first.

Ah, just what I was missing in this election cycle…the measured, considered opinion of a hedonistic, old fart.

Such gravitas!  Such wisdom!  Such unintelligible mumbling!

Next.

Via Hot Air, of course.

Update:  Mister Liberty Girl, who wisely does not turn the sound up on his computer, asked, “so, what’d he say?”  To which I replied, “The party line, dear.  ’Unqualified,’ ‘a heartbeat away from the presidency,’ ‘great ass.’  You know, the usual.”

Speaking of asses, does this article make anyone else vaguely nauseous?  Or even outright technicolor yawn-y?