About damn time:

Security analysts and the Somali government are publicly flirting with the idea of hiring mercenaries to stop the pirates that are terrorizing east Africa.  Now, the notorious guns-for-fire at Blackwater are responding to the call, with a resounding arrrr!!!!!

I suppose ex-Seals will do if you can’t afford actual Seals.

Oh, and Mister Liberty Girl, you MAY NOT send them a resume.  Well, unless they agree to never send you into the field.  Analyst work only, baby.

Man.  Why do fun things like this never happen to me??

Several associates of mine, aware of my red-state predilections, approached me after the black day that was November 4 and demanded my allegiance — I’m serious — proclaiming, “He’s your president so you should stand behind him.”

This might come as a surprise to my 15 regular readers, but I have a bit of a temper.  No, it’s true!  I’ve learned to mask it through the years with cutting sarcasm and scathing commentary, but underneath seethes a cauldron of outright misanthropy directed at pretty much everyone who falls into my “too stupid to navigate a shopping cart” category.

I’m talking to YOU, 52s.

So I’m kind of taking it personally at this stage in my life, that not one of you has had the moxie to get in MY face with stupidity equal to the above.  I’ve never actually popped someone in the nose before, am longing to feel what it’s like.  Is it squishy?  Does it hurt?  Me, I mean…I hope like hell it hurts YOU.  Will there be blood?  Boogers?  Crying?

Won’t someone satisfy my curiosity?  And my burning need to “reward” you for your stupidity?  

Pretty please?

Oh yes, this is just what I want to see first thing in the morning, post-long cold night of unsettling dreams featuring the Hilldebeest making out with Ahmadinejad under a conference table, and pre-coffee.

Here’s something we don’t hear every day in Washington: Ronald Reagan‘s dead, get over it. That’s a blunt paraphrase about conservatives and GOP traditionalists who want to relive the good old days from a senior Republican senator, speaking on background. “Ronald Reagan ran in the 1970s. That was a long time ago,” says the senator, a member of the GOP message team. His point: The party has to reach past its traditional base and especially to younger and Hispanic voters. “It’s about survival,” he tells us.

Oh, that is SO going to piss off Mister Liberty Girl.

Senator, ALL of you are dead.  Dead in the brain, dead in the heart, dead in the soul.  Is it any wonder conservatives and near-conservatives (like the Liberty Family here) lionize Reagan?  He’s the last one of you to show any guts, to have any vision whatsoever for the future.  You speak of “survival”…that is truly your guiding star at this point.  Not interested in principles or core values, just keep that gravy train rolling, RAWHIDE!

I’m done with the lot of you.  If any of you truly care about the Republican party’s survival, we won’t see snippet one of your pallid, wizened faces in the next Presidential cycle.  It will instead be represented by the firebrands, the Palins and the Jindals.  The people who still have hope and dreams for the future.  Citizens, we can still have the Shining City that Reagan envisioned, but we need to be MUCH more careful to whom we entrust its stewardship.

Exsqueeze me?  *hand to ear*  Baking powder?

US Marines have been singing about their exploits on the “shores of Tripoli” ever since President Thomas Jefferson sent them to scour out the world’s most dangerous pirates, the Barbary corsairs, from their bases in North Africa in 1801. Now President Barack Obama may have to give the Corps the chance to add a new line – by sending Marines to destroy the newest generation of pirates, this time on the other side of Africa.

Um, no.  Last time the situation was a bit different, try reading a goddamned book.  

Yes, the Fifth Fleet is in that area, but not necessarily to protect the shipping interests of foreign nationals who would just as soon indulge in a bit of pillaging their ownselves.  Isn’t high time you fuckers all took care of yourselves?  That way we won’t have to deal with any of your puerile carping about “imperialism.”  So, nut up, Third World – this means YOU, Saudi Arabia – either pay the pirate’s ransom or night-drop an elite squad in there to do a roach bombing.

What’s that?  You have no elite squads?  Well…how about you HIRE US for the job.  One Seal Team should run you about $1mil per hour, plus expenses.  Cash only, bitches.

Nice to see Huckabee still lacks that brain-mouth filter.

Huckabee had some interesting observations about Sarah Palin, a potential 2012 opponent, suggesting that she didn’t earn her spurs and was more appealing to the base of the party because she hadn’t been scrutinized in the primary.   

No, ya big crybaby, she was appealing (still is) to a great many of us because she isn’t an old, crotchety white man.  And in your specific case, Huckadiddle, she isn’t a crazed evangelist-type.  

To me, one of the few things worse for this country than a Socialist regime is a Theocracy, and Huckaboo, you couldn’t go twelve seconds in the primaries without sounding like Jerry Falwell on a meth-fueled vision quest.  I’m sure you’ll pardon me if I’d rather have an ancient, creaking, pseudo-Democrat in office than a guy who thinks dinosaurs meandered about the Garden of Eden.

And as to this…

“She didn’t have to get bloodied like us. Few people on that stage didn’t get bloodied.”

He did allow, though, that she did get bloodied  –  “but not by the people Republicans care about, you guys.”

Er, yeah, she did, most efficiently and savagely by her own party.  So much so that these excellent t-shirts may go utterly to waste.  

Hmm, a Bull Moose Party.  Now there’s an idea…

*My father, well into the “trying to get into Heaven” phase of his life, actually said the above to me a few years ago.

See, now this is the sort of thing that’s just going to make Mister Liberty Girl start all that stomping and cursing again.  

Both Abraham Lincoln and President-elect Barack Obama were not from Illinois but became two of the state’s top politicians.

They were both criticized for being too inexperienced to become president of the United States.

Both were raised by women other than their mothers (Lincoln by his stepmother and Obama by his grandmother) and later visited the women before their respective inaugurations. Both women died before the respective inauguration days.

You just. don’t. go. comparing Mister Liberty Girl’s Very Favorite President with a socialist buffoon who hoodwinked an already mentally-challenged populace into electing him.  Especially on such pathetically tenuous “connections,” and most particularly before the pretentious, elitist bastard HAS EVEN TAKEN OFFICE.

But that’s what you media halfwits have done from the beginning, used your dubious influence to ensure the guy who would sell the most papers won the Big Prize.  And now that you have your stalking horse almost in place it seems it’s a real struggle to come up with the required number of lines, hence these sorts of mind-boggling puff pieces.  I’d love to say that I really look forward to your collective comeuppance, but since this entire charade is all about the advertising dollars to come, you never really will get what you deserve. 

Well, at least until your industry collapses in ruins.  Ta!

(Via Weasel Zippers)

Update:  Ahh, the eloquent Ted from The Line is Here most effectively channels Mister Liberty Girl.  Yes, I keep linking to them…they’re brilliant and I want to grow up to be them someday.

We all have our Lists.  For instance, I have a I Will Pop You In The Face Eventually List.  The bowling-ball headed, courageous-only-when-drunk husband of our next-door neighbor is right there at the top most days.  Other days it is whatever cell-phone-wielding cow is weaving all over the road in front of me in an impossible-to-see-around minivan.  I’m sure Dogette has at least ONE list, which surely has the Pole People atop it.  Joan HAS to have a list, populated no doubt by RINOs, Republicans and other Utter Failures.

Today I find myself in need of a new List, and I shall call it The Disgraceful Hypocrite List.  Ms. Julianne Malveaux, a “writer” with the Philly Trib, has the honor of the second spot on the DH list, the first belonging to the shouldn’t-be-allowed-to-speak-in-public Michelle Obama, for her proclamation early on in the election that she was only just then proud to be an American. 

Translation: your country sucks until it does something for you.  

Ms. Malveaux further recieves the Derivative Asshole Asterisk affixed next to her List entry for being a big stupid copycat of the aforementioned first place holder’s previously published idiocy.  Not only is she derivative, folks…she’s SLOW. 

Let’s all give our new List honorees a big round of applause.

(Via Cassy Fiano)

Ah, just what I was missing in this election cycle…the measured, considered opinion of a hedonistic, old fart.

Such gravitas!  Such wisdom!  Such unintelligible mumbling!

Next.

Via Hot Air, of course.

Update:  Mister Liberty Girl, who wisely does not turn the sound up on his computer, asked, “so, what’d he say?”  To which I replied, “The party line, dear.  ’Unqualified,’ ‘a heartbeat away from the presidency,’ ‘great ass.’  You know, the usual.”

Speaking of asses, does this article make anyone else vaguely nauseous?  Or even outright technicolor yawn-y?

You’re fucking morons.

I would dearly love to sit down and parse through this bullshit with a fine-toothed hand grenade…

512 Obama Voters 11/13/08-11/15/08 MOE +/- 4.4 points

97.1% High School Graduate or higher, 55% College Graduates

Results to 12 simple Multiple Choice Questions

57.4% could NOT correctly say which party controls congress (50/50 shot just by guessing)

81.8% could NOT correctly say Joe Biden quit a previous campaign because of plagiarism (25% chance by guessing)

82.6% could NOT correctly say that Barack Obama won his first election by getting opponents kicked off the ballot (25% chance by guessing)

88.4% could NOT correctly say that Obama said his policies would likely bankrupt the coal industry and make energy rates skyrocket (25% chance by guessing)

56.1% could NOT correctly say Obama started his political career at the home of two former members of the Weather Underground (25% chance by guessing).

And yet…..

Only 13.7% failed to identify Sarah Palin as the person on which their party spent $150,000 in clothes

Only 6.2% failed to identify Palin as the one with a pregnant teenage daughter

And 86.9 % thought that Palin said that she could see Russia from her “house,” even though that was Tina Fey who said that!!

Only 2.4% got at least 11 correct.

Only .5% got all of them correct. (And we “gave” one answer that was technically not Palin, but actually Tina Fey)

…but I’ve got kids to pick up from school, new eyeglasses to buy for the 11 year old, and the 8 year old’s soccer practice to attend.  

The mind, she boggles.

John in May-retta (driven through there…takes less time to drive than to say) posted about this chick’s post about the Freedom of Choice Act.  First introduced in 2004 by the usual suspects, this is supposed to prohibit the government from interfering “with a woman’s right to choose to bear a child or terminate a pregnancy…” but it’s going to do so by pre-empting state laws.   

Now, I’m far more libertarian (kindly note the small “l”) than Republican, so I firmly believe the government should be nowhere near my bedroom or my girl-parts, or any other part of my body.  While I don’t agree on the why of it, I do agree that this has no business being law.  (Then again, I think 97.45% of every law on the books, federal and state, has no business being law.)  To wit, the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution of these United States:

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

This FoCA says in Section 2, article 15:

(15) Congress has the affirmative power under section 8 of article I of the Constitution and section 5 of the 14th amendment to the Constitution to enact legislation to facilitate interstate commerce and to prevent State interference with interstate commerce, liberty, or equal protection of the laws.

Kindly note these lying bastards are trying to loophole this under the guise of preserving Interstate Commerce, presumably because the practice of medicine is a business.  

Mister Liberty Girl is the Constitutional scholar of the family, so he’s going to have to do the rant on the Interstate Commerce boondoggle – I speak Government-ese about as fluently as I do French (3 years of indifferent high school classes, kthx) – but the fact remains that the above piece of legislation is a load of horseshit, for a great many reasons.  But when you can say that about 3/4 of the things dealt with by every Congressional session where does that leave you?

In desperate need of a new, more efficient form of government, that’s where.