Man, it’s a Sunday, I should be lazing about watching the kids play with their Xmas Wii, but instead I gotta write about these angsty bitches at Starbuck’s, who think the baristas need unionizing.

Yeah, I just used “baristas” and “unionizing” in the very same sentence.  I’ll have to check but that could very well be one of the signs of the Apocalypse.

First, you emo fuckers, if your job title is in ANOTHER LANGUAGE, then the odds of your workplace being A) dangerous, or B) exploitative, are very nearly zero.  

Second, if your bosses were actually working your soft, pink fingers to the bone, you’d really only have to step down the street to the offices of WPUTZ, Channel 42 (Cleveland’s #1 News Station!!) and tell your heartrending little story – complete with video of your threadbare green t-shirt, your sweaty brow, and that callus on your little finger – to publicize their inhumane treatment, and immediately convene Congressional hearings on your behalf.  

Third, just how dangerous is it being a barista?  Well, since I was one during my college days, let’s recap:

1. Slippery floors?  Nope, non-skid mats are required in tiled areas, checked once a month by health inspector.
2. Sharp, pointy things?  Pretty much just the knife used to slice the bagels.  Oh, and that second shift bitch’s tongue.  WHY won’t she sleep with meeee???
3. Dangerous levels of heat/radiation/toxic waste?  Well, the espresso machine is pretty gnarly at the end of the day, but even a three year old would understand, “don’t touch the hot part, ok honey?”

So, no…no reason whatsoever for prissy little fucks who assemble over-priced caffeine beverages in air-conditioned comfort to form a fucking UNION.  What we have here is a handful of delusional pricks who just can’t believe their great-grandpas/-mas, got all the fun of being social activists, despite the fact that they were actually DYING in their workplaces, not merely suffering from debilitating steam burns on their widdle pitters.  

Hell, it’s easier than doing something REALLY meaningful.  Like finishing college and getting a real job.

Jiminy Freakin’ Christmas.  You know if there’s anyone who you would hope would know the fucking meaning of the concept of “capitalism” it would be a guy who makes eleventy billion a year and is himself an actual Chief Executive Officer of a fucking corporation.  But noooo.

The CEOs of the big three automakers flew to the nation’s capital yesterday in private luxurious jets to make their case to Washington that the auto industry is running out of cash and needs $25 billion in taxpayer money to avoid bankruptcy.

As said taxpayer, my response is this:  Go. Straight.  To.  Hell.  

I didn’t really have a goddamned choice about the fucking 5 trillion bailout – well, other than to send my Congress Creatures scathing emails, calling into doubt both their ancestry and future prospects should they back such horseshit – and I probably don’t have a fucking choice about this either, but I’m going to keep emailing my Congress Creatures until they Get The Point.  

If American car companies can not figure out the magic, sooper-sekrit formula for remaining profitable, then fuck ‘em.  Down they go.  I’m all for consumption of domestic goods, but I’ve driven a Honda for the last five years BECAUSE IT’S A BETTER MADE PRODUCT.

Do you wonder, O Private Jet Riding CEOs, how to make yourselves profitable again?  Would you like moi, the ever so humble Liberty Girl, to enlighten you?

BREAK THE BACKS OF THE UNIONS AND KICK THEM OUT OF TOWN.

They were necessary at one time – when dying by fire in a ramshackle building due to shitty working conditions was a daily risk – but they are not freaking necessary any longer.  They’re professional extortionists at this point and honestly should be treated as such.

Oh, and here’s another problem:

Wagoner’s private jet trip to Washington cost his ailing company an estimated $20,000 roundtrip. In comparison, seats on Northwest Airlines flight 2364 from Detroit to Washington were going online for $288 coach and $837 first class.

*stare*  

“Reduce costs??  Feh, that’s for amateurs like Dell and Ingram.”  It’s like these people flunked basic high school economics, yet they’re running billion million thousand dollar industries, failing spectacularly at it, and attempting to manipulate us, THAT’S YOU AND ME FOR THOSE PLAYING ALONG AT HOME, into paying for it.

“We want to continue the vital role we’ve played for Americans for the past 100 years, but we can’t do it alone,” Wagoner told the Senate Banking Committee.

Times change.  Grifters never do.

(Via Ace)