It’s been some time since we’ve had a List insertion, but here comes Mister Pretentious Aussie Face to save the day!

 Dashing Aussie actor Simon Baker is about to go public with his biggest plans for 2009 – he’s hoping to become an American citizen.

The star of hit new U.S. drama The Mentalist tells this weekend’s (03-04Jan09) Parade magazine in America that he and his wife were spurred on to become U.S. citizens after Barack Obama‘s historic election win in November.

He tells the publication, “The morning after… I said to my wife Rebecca, ‘You know, I’m thinking about becoming an American,’ and then she said that she felt the same way.

“I don’t follow sports here, but politics has sort of taken its place. I followed the race closely. It’s a tricky area, because I don’t want to be offensive, and I had no party loyalty. But electing Obama was this country being very grown-up. It was such a positive step for the U.S. to become a part of the world again after the last eight years.
 

My ass, you must kiss it.

Feh, screw this. MLG and I are off to shoot zombies. Have a Merry New Year, y’all.

I would like to think the passengers from Flight 93 look down from Vallhalla and wish they could kick the asses of their “loved ones” right about now.

Relatives of those who died aboard United Airlines Flight 93 want the Bush Administration to seize the land needed for a memorial where the plane crashed in western Pennsylvania during the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

The Families of Flight 93 sent a letter earlier this month asking President George W. Bush to empower the Secretary of the Interior to take the land in dispute from a homeowner who had been in negotiations with the National Parks Service, said Patrick White, vice president of the families’ organization.

Let’s see…we can honor the memory of our heroic countrymen by A) building them a nice memorial on an honestly purchased single acre of land where the crash actually occurred, or B) ass-raping a fellow citizen in the eminent domain seizure of 2000 acres of their land.

Hmm…  

As others have noted, what in the fucking blazes are they doing thinking of using TWO THOUSAND ACRES for this memorial anyway?  Yes, Flight 93-ers are absolute no-shit, balls-out heroes, but seriously you blood-sucking bastards, build a nice granite memorial that details their names and deeds, and DO NOT cheapen their sacrifice by building some fucking cash-vacuuming retail nightmare disguised as a “national park.”

Just a quick note – amidst the continued cooking (clementine fudge, sesame honey candy, tropical clusters, and a multitude of cookies) – to the people of Minnesota:

I think I have stated before that I could give a good goddamn who Teh Gheys^TM marry/co-habit/smear peanut butter all over with, but this is just fucking rude:

Sponsors of the California ballot measure that banned same-sex marriage are seeking to nullify thousands of marriages between gay and lesbian couples performed after the state Supreme Court ruled them constitutional.

Hey, nosy nutbags of every religious stripe!  A message to you, from Liberty Girl Enterprises:

I realize that sticking your fucking face in your neighbor’s business is like the third oldest profession, but you people are just embarrassing.  Your interest in these proceedings is rather sordid, like we’re being forced to watch a porn movie with you, albeit one of which you Highly Disapprove.  Sort of.  

Well, I don’t share my porn watching with just anyone, so why don’t you social Luddites take my advice and Butt The Fuck Out of other people’s business, crawl back under your rocks and continue the cranial ossification process.

It’s about to be a very busy day here at Liberty House, but while I enjoy my morning cuppa joe, here’s one more reason to wonder why we tolerate the existing state of the public school system:

A white social studies teacher attempted to enliven a seventh-grade discussion of slavery by binding the hands and feet of two black girls, prompting outrage from one girl’s mother and the local chapter of the NAACP.

Now why is it you think this stupid fucking cow only bound the hands and feet of the black girls and not EVERYONE’S hands and feet?  Because she’s a sadistic bitch, yes.

If you wanted to deliver a truly effective lesson on slavery, then you tie everyone up…but you’d STILL be a sadistic bitch.  

Honestly, in what kind of echo chamber are these people being trained that she had not one thought, not even the tiniest inkling, that this might be A Bad Idea?  Sure, kids that age are basically higher-functioning animals with abysmal taste, but you just don’t do something like that.  

Speaking of bitches, their Queen here needs to take the fuckin’ hint and maybe actually sew her mouth shut.

 

Natalie Maines, the lead singer of the Dixie Chicks, is being sued for defamation for statements she made at a rally in 2007 about the murders of three young boys.

A complaint was filed November 25 by Terry Hobbs, the stepfather of one of three 8-year old boys murdered in 1993.

His complaint says Maines wrongfully made a “false and reckless claim that [Hobbs] committed the murders of the three boys.”

…

Damien Echols, Jessie Misskelley and Jason Baldwin were convicted of the murders in 1994.

 

Oops.  I guess you aren’t really all that misunderstood at all, are you.  

Here’s the video slideshow, with bonus not-used-to-speaking-in-public news conference voiceover, for the arrest of that sack of ass rampaging through Plant City yesterday.  I have to say, I’m very disappointed this didn’t end in the discharge of about 250 peace officer sidearms.

Now, I’m sick, so this is going to hurt.  

Them, not me.

Our new fuckstupid benevolent overlords are going to be sending out emails demanding entreating their subjects constituency to tithe donate to the eradication of the massive debt from Hillsy’s failed campaign for the Overlordship Presidency.  

Too bleh to blockquote.  Read for your ownselves.

52s – you pack of limp-brained, sausage-fingered, South American-laboratory-test-subjects – does it seem at all logical that YOU should foot the bill for this circus, this Hippodrome of Fail?  Or is asking the lot of you to deploy such an advanced trait as logic a wee bit too much after everything Dr. Mengele put you through?  

Sorry, I know I’m not supposed to say the “M” word. 

Do you just not get that the Empty Suit and his cronies see you all as nothing more than their personal financial institution?  Free withdrawals, any time, NO WAITING!!  You’re a walking dollar factory, nothing else, and everything they tell you/do for you is designed to keep the greenbacks flowing Eastward.  Gullible doesn’t even begin to describe those of you who fall for this bullshit.

Well, should *I* receive such an email, after I’d finished laughing, I’d collect all the snotty tissues that are piling up on my desk like some evil, gelatinous Kilimanjaro, pop them in an envelope and send them right along.  That should clear things right up.

The title of this fair post is what one of my state Senators has just told me regarding the issue of The Messiah’s reluctance to whip out a birth certificate and prove his citizenship.  Here is his response, with bonus interjected commentary by moi (emphasis all mine):

Dear Liberty Girl:

Thank you for contacting me regarding President-Elect Obama’s citizenship. I appreciate hearing from you and would like to respond to your concerns.

Like you, I believe that our federal government has the responsibility to make certain that the Constitution of the United States is not compromised. We must fight to uphold our Constitution through our courts and political processes. 

Article II of the Constitution provides that “no Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President.” The Constitution, however, does not specify how that qualification for office is to be enforced.  As you may know, a voter recently raised this issue before a federal court in Pennsylvania. On October 24, 2008, the United States District Court for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania released an order in the case of Berg v.Obama.In that case, the plaintiff, Phillip Berg, raised the same issue that your letter raises regarding proof of the President-Elect’s birthplace. Through his lawsuit, Mr. Berg sought to compel President-Elect Obama to produce a certified copy of his birth certificate. 

The District Court dismissed Mr. Berg’s suit and held that the question of Obama’s citizenship is not a matter for a court to decide. The court further noted that voters, not courts, should decide whether a particular presidential candidate is qualified to hold office.

Can any of you get your mind around that logic?  This is a Senator here, telling me that the courts do not have the authority to enforce the Constitution.  If he really, REALLY wants to go down that road then we surely can.  I hereby declare Marbury v. Madison a load of bunk, and every decision handed down for the past 200+ years is automatically made null and fucking void.   Further, Congress is to be immediately dissolved, and charged with perjury, grand larceny and any other fucking thing we can think up.  Every judge is disbarred, disrobed and to line up in the town square in an orderly fashion for tarring and feathering.  Oh yes, thank ex-Senator Martinez for your discomfort, fellas, he’s the one who made you all superfluous with his brilliant Constitutional scholarship.

Can I just tell you how much froth is emanating from Mister Liberty Girl’s jaws just now.

Presidential candidates are vetted by voters at least twice – first in the primary elections and again in the general election. President-Elect Obama won the Democratic Party’s nomination after one of the most fiercely contested presidential primaries in American history. And, he has now been duly elected by the majority of voters in the United States. Throughout both the primary and general election, concerns about Mr. Obama’s birthplace were raised. The voters have made clear their view that Mr. Obama meets the qualifications to hold the office of President.

If you’re referring here, Senator, to the 52s – those unwashed seal-huggers – then you’re seriously deluded if you believe they are capable of vetting their way out of a wet paper bag.  No voter vetted the Empty Suit.  They heard his pretty pretty words, saw he had more than the typical amount of melanin, and leaped for the Historical Significance Train with both feet.  

After he is sworn into office, Mr. Obama will be our nation’s President and I intend to bestow upon him the honor and respect due any man who holds that Office.

As my 23 regular readers know, I sure as hell don’t.  They would first need to EARN that respect, and this clownshoes hasn’t done a bloody thing other than consort with would-be terrorists and attach himself firmly to the government teat.

Yet, I am certain that there will be times when I will disagree and oppose President Obama’s policies. When that happens, you can be assured that I will pursue vigorously what I believe to be in the best interest of Florida and the nation. 

Like this time, RIGHT FUCKING HERE, you mean?  Oh, huzzah.  I will sleep so very soundly tonight knowing that.

I thank you for sharing your views with me and will keep your concerns in mind. If you have additional questions or comments, please contact me. For more information about issues and activities important to Florida, please sign up for my weekly newsletter at http://martinez.senate.gov.

Sincerely,

Mel Martinez

United States Senator

We’ll just see about that last bit come 2010, Mister Man, oh yes we will.

UPDATE:  Mister Liberty Girl just pinged me from work, Senator Martinez will NOT be seeking a second term in office.  

What. A. Fucking. Shock. 

All you sad sonsabitches who donated to the motherfucker need to be askin’ for a refund right about now.

You know, if this bullshit occurred anywhere other than Canuckistan, I might be an eensy bit more pissed off than I am right now…

The Carleton University Students’ Association has voted to drop a cystic fibrosis charity as the beneficiary of its annual Shinearama fundraiser, supporting a motion that argued the disease is not “inclusive” enough.

Cystic fibrosis “has been recently revealed to only affect white people, and primarily men” said the motion read Monday night to student councillors, who voted almost unanimously in favour of it.

Hey kids?  Go fuck yourselves.  Because honestly, if I find out you’ve been fucking other people, thus risking the passing along of your clearly deficient genes, I’m going to come up there with my cheese grater and put an end to that nonsense.

Man.  Why do fun things like this never happen to me??

Several associates of mine, aware of my red-state predilections, approached me after the black day that was November 4 and demanded my allegiance — I’m serious — proclaiming, “He’s your president so you should stand behind him.”

This might come as a surprise to my 15 regular readers, but I have a bit of a temper.  No, it’s true!  I’ve learned to mask it through the years with cutting sarcasm and scathing commentary, but underneath seethes a cauldron of outright misanthropy directed at pretty much everyone who falls into my “too stupid to navigate a shopping cart” category.

I’m talking to YOU, 52s.

So I’m kind of taking it personally at this stage in my life, that not one of you has had the moxie to get in MY face with stupidity equal to the above.  I’ve never actually popped someone in the nose before, am longing to feel what it’s like.  Is it squishy?  Does it hurt?  Me, I mean…I hope like hell it hurts YOU.  Will there be blood?  Boogers?  Crying?

Won’t someone satisfy my curiosity?  And my burning need to “reward” you for your stupidity?  

Pretty please?

Nice to see Huckabee still lacks that brain-mouth filter.

Huckabee had some interesting observations about Sarah Palin, a potential 2012 opponent, suggesting that she didn’t earn her spurs and was more appealing to the base of the party because she hadn’t been scrutinized in the primary.   

No, ya big crybaby, she was appealing (still is) to a great many of us because she isn’t an old, crotchety white man.  And in your specific case, Huckadiddle, she isn’t a crazed evangelist-type.  

To me, one of the few things worse for this country than a Socialist regime is a Theocracy, and Huckaboo, you couldn’t go twelve seconds in the primaries without sounding like Jerry Falwell on a meth-fueled vision quest.  I’m sure you’ll pardon me if I’d rather have an ancient, creaking, pseudo-Democrat in office than a guy who thinks dinosaurs meandered about the Garden of Eden.

And as to this…

“She didn’t have to get bloodied like us. Few people on that stage didn’t get bloodied.”

He did allow, though, that she did get bloodied  –  “but not by the people Republicans care about, you guys.”

Er, yeah, she did, most efficiently and savagely by her own party.  So much so that these excellent t-shirts may go utterly to waste.  

Hmm, a Bull Moose Party.  Now there’s an idea…

*My father, well into the “trying to get into Heaven” phase of his life, actually said the above to me a few years ago.