Dear Ionia School System Administrators:

This past week you suspended a 6 year old for making the shape of a gun with his pudgy little pitters, claiming it “made other students uncomfortable.”

As the mother of a previously-6 year old, I shall now elucidate for you exactly what engenders a state of uncomfortableness for a child of that age:

• Having to go pee pee.
• Having to go doo doo.
• Being kissed on the cheek by Susie.
• Being kissed on the cheek by Grandma.

Pretty much everything else is met with 100mph enthusiasm and the same lack of worry exhibited by a 3 month old Labrador Retriever.

I know at least some of you have to be parents, have observed the same relative unconcern and resiliency in your own young children, so kindly do us all a favor and stop “showing your asses” as my mother would say.  A kindergartener is not going to set off the next Columbine, you astonishing pack of morons.

The Nooz is funny this morning.

Dubai police appealed for an international manhunt Tuesday after releasing names and photos of an alleged 11-member hit squad accused of stalking and killing a Hamas commander last month in a plot that mixed cold precision with spy caper disguises such as fake beards and wigs.

…

Hamas has accused Israel’s Mossad secret service of masterminding the slaying and has vowed revenge.

Dubai’s police chief, Lt. Gen. Dahi Khalfan Tamim, did not directly implicate Israel at a news conference Monday to announce new details about al-Mabhouh’s death. But he noted the possibility that “leaders of certain countries gave orders to their intelligence agents to kill” al-Mabhouh, one of the founders of Hamas’ military wing.

Does it make anyone else LOL, this thought of the Mossad using 11 whole people to take out one Hamas dirtbag?

Well, you can all relax now, South Carolina has it figured out:

Terrorists who want to overthrow the United States government must now register with South Carolina’s Secretary of State and declare their intentions — or face a $25,000 fine and up to 10 years in prison.

The state’s “Subversive Activities Registration Act,” passed last year and now officially on the books, states that “every member of a subversive organization, or an organization subject to foreign control, every foreign agent and every person who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States … shall register with the Secretary of State.”

I sincerely hope the good citizens of South Carolina take a look at the nard who sponsored this stinking waste of taxpayer dollars, and unelect them posthaste.

Hey, long time no bitch, eh?  Well, we can fix that right up here today…

Debbie McLucas is one of four hospital supervisors at Kindred Hospital in Mansfield. Last week, she hung a three-by-five foot American flag in the office she shares with the other supervisors.

When McLucas came to work Friday, her boss told her another supervisor had found her flag offensive. “I was just totally speechless. I was like, ‘You’re kidding me,’” McLucas said.

McLucas’ husband and sons are former military men. Her daughter is currently serving in Iraq as a combat medic.

—

McLucas said the supervisor who complained has been in the United States for 14 years and is formerly from Africa. McLucas said the supervisor took down Debbie’s flag herself.

I just have one question:  is the African supervisor in question an actual American citizen?

If no:  have a nice big cup of go fuck yourself.  Oh, and I’ll take that green card, kthx.

If yes:  pistols at dawn.

You, who was a leading voice for INSANITY during Dubya’s 8 years, DO NOT GET TO LECTURE ME ON PATRIOTISM.

“You can root for the opposition party to fail and not be unpatriotic,” Maher added. “He should be given the benefit of the doubt. I would say he scares me the way so many other right-wingers scare me. I don’t know when they’re more scary: when they’re in power or out of power? Out of power, the paranoia goes through the roof. Glenn Beck talks about a totalitarian nation. They pull this out of the air. Democrats have never said boo about guns since Al Gore lost Tennessee in 2000.”

You should be frightened, little man.  Because if I ever have the misfortune to breathe the same air as you, then you can bet your last dollar that sharp stabby pain you’ll be feeling is me kicking you in the nuts.

*Guess the movie.  Yes, again.

Because I just know my comment on CNN’s site in response to this utter horseshit will be one of those not posted due to “volume of comments we receive,” I’m posting it here, for the enjoyment of all:

“President Obama has done more in eight weeks than George W. Bush did in eight years — unless you include starting a couple of wars.”

Right you are. He’s put our country into debt into the next four generations. He’s alienated our closest allies, mortally offended every man and woman who ever wore a uniform and sacrificed in defense of our country, and repeatedly exhibited his contempt for our Constitution. But as long as he gets to be interviewed on Leno, throw Hollywood glitterazzi parties, and get regular tongue baths from third-rate “journalists,” well, that must make it all just hunky dory.

Beautiful work, Cafferty, keep it up! Oh, and wipe your chin, there’s something on it.

These idiots aren’t even useful.

Dear Gun Ban Afficionados:

Here’s some fucking perspective for you.

Hugs and Really Wet Tongue Kisses,

LG

(Via Maggie’s Farm)

I swear to Zog, sometimes I feel as if we’re all caught up in some Hollywood slush pile-reject conspiracy flick, starring D-List winners like Mark Dacascos and Tia Carrere.  

Some opponents of wind turbine farms in Maine say they’re concerned not just about audible noise but “low-frequency noise, so soft you can’t hear it,” from the installations, which they claim is linked to a wide array of health problems, not to mention “the strobe effect created by the sun setting behind the spinning blades, which some say can lead to seizures”. 

Oh. Mah. Gad.  

First off, what kind of a moron is standing there watching turbine blades going around??  A work-shirking Class Two moron, that’s what kind.  <irritated supervisor>Get back to work, ya fucking slacker!  Oh, and stop looking at the fucking wind turbines, ‘cos they’ll make you dizzy.  Xst, my five year old got more sense than you.</irritated supervisor>

But there’s plenty of medical data to support a potential ban, right?  RIGHT???

Aniel says he, six other physicians and one family nurse practitioner believe the conditions they’ve found online – things called “acoustic radiation” and “wind turbine syndrome,” among them – and the possible symptoms – nausea, back problems, mood disorders, seizures, even heart attack – are serious enough to stall new wind projects while medical researchers around the world gather more information.

Yeah, not so much.  Just a work-shirking moron of a doctor and his cohorts, all who appear to have waaay too much fucking Intertubes-surfing time.  If I were the administration of that hospital, I’d be Asking Some Questions.

(Via Overlawyered)

MLG routinely complains I never let him have any fun.  ’Course, the “fun” he’s talking about could result on the appending of the words “Master Criminal” after his name on the Wanted posters, so yeah, I sometimes put my foot down.  That said, had this joker tried this stunt on him, I’d have told MLG to wait until I got the camera before he started pounding the piss out of him.

Whoever he is, this litterbug vigilante doesn’t like to see people flicking cigarette butts from their car windows. Police are looking for a man who posed as a state trooper and stopped a woman in Gardiner who allegedly tossed a spent cigarette from her car window.

Police said the man was driving a red pickup truck with a dash-mounted flashing blue light when he stopped the woman and told her he was an off-duty state trooper.

Police said the impersonator never threatened the woman. He told the woman he had stopped her because she threw a cigarette butt out the window in Augusta. He neither asked for nor showed any identification.

People, you don’t stop for a fucking PICKUP TRUCK with a light on it.  Also, BEATDOWN.

I see Palin Derangement Syndrome continues unabated:

A federal judge presiding over a case involving an autistic boy took a shot at former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin for bringing her Down syndrome child on stage after a debate last year.

U.S. District Judge Naomi Reice Buchwald made the remarks during a settlement conference with lawyers involved in a lawsuit against a luxury building in Manhattan. The parents of an 11-year-old boy are fighting a 25-pound limit on dogs, saying a big dog is medically necessary to help their son cope with Asperger’s syndrome.

“That kid was used as a prop,” the judge said. “And that to me as a parent blew my mind.”

Yes, it’s an opinion, and, like assholes, everyone has one.   Well, at least until that’s properly made illegal.

Honestly, Palin in 2012 might not be the best choice but I sure as fuck want her to try – and win – just for the sheer pleasure of watching so many fucking liberals’ heads explode. 

Yeah, that’s the ticket!

UPDATE:  I just have to ask…how many people would be as elated at the election of the first WOMAN President as they were at the election of the first black mulatto President, particularly if that WOMAN was Sarah Palin?

[poll id=4]