Too busy today for actual snark (well, until later, when we will discuss precisely how fucked up you are as a culture when you offer your CHILD to a fuckbag whose only claim to fame is chucking a shoe at somebody), so here’s a meme instead.
Do you remember your first favorite song? If so, what was it?
Not at all. I do remember coming back from overseas and my schoolmates being aghast that I’d never heard of Devo. Good times.
What do you refuse to eat?
Boiled anything. Most things have a nice flavor if you cook them correctly.
Have you ever injected any kind of drug before?
I volunteered at the Humane Society one summer when I was 15, and did the Parvo/Rabies vaccinations on the new acquisitions.
Oh, into myself?? Just insulin when I had gestational diabetes while preggers with Liberty Daughter. No large deal.
Do amusement park rides make you sick?
Just the teacup ride. The spinning, oh the spinning.
Who is your favorite Star Wars character?
Han Solo, of course. I married the nearest analog…no doubt why he’s been trying to get me into a metal bikini all these years.
What kind of cheese do you put on your sandwiches?
Provolone, preferrably melty.
What was the first thing you ever learned how to cook?
I was trying chocolate mousse and divinity candy when I was a kid. The kitchen holds no mystery for me.
Did you ever collect beanie babies?
Oh FUCK no. And I was properly contemptuous of my friends who did.
When was the last time you got a haircut?
Erm, months ago. Been in Florida for nearly 8 years now, haven’t yet found a regular haircutter. Untrustworthy fucks.
Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party?
Not a decent one. Apparently everyone I know is boring.
Where are you most ticklish on your body?
Feet. I curse the day my kids found this out.
Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail?
Yes.
What’s the last board game you played?
Sorry, with the kids. Cutthroat little bastards.
Do you still own any VHS tapes?
Nope. We’re big believers in decluttering. Except our garage, oy.
Do you shop at JC Penney’s ever?
Only in the past because we had credit there. Now that we’ve eschewed credit, never.
If there was a real Jurassic Park, would you visit it?
Sure, as long as I could bring along the appropriate accessories.
Do you ever read the newspaper?
Surely you jest. The last time I bought a newspaper it was to use as weed block under my landscaping mulch.
Do you eat your mac & cheese with a fork or a spoon?
Spoon. Must scoop up cheesy goodness. *licks plate*
Is there any medicine/pill you take every day?
Afrin, up the schnozz. Fuckin’ Florida is trying to kill me.
How many 20 dollar bills do you have on you right now?
Zero. I never carry cash. Ever.
Would you do meth if it was legalized?
Not only no but FUCK no. #1, there’s less disgusting ways to get high. #2, I don’t go for substances that include a loss of control as a feature not a bug. And #3, EW.
Do you think Obama will be assassinated?
Nope. I think the proles are going to be happy with the State Handouts and he’ll be “elected” President-for-Life by March ’09.
Have you ever made out with someone and then never saw them again?
More times than I care to remember.
Do you drink egg nog?
Nom.
What are you wearing?
Jeans, a black t-shirt, black/white Adidas slides. This is as good as it gets most days.
Well, that was fun. Zzzzz…..
