Well, dear readers, I have visited Egypt, walked its streets*, spoken with its people, and I have to say, I never ran across anyone quite so smushy in the brainpan as this fucker:

An Egyptian man said on Wednesday he was offering his 20-year-old daughter in marriage to Iraqi journalist Muntazer al-Zaidi, who threw his shoes at U.S. President George W. Bush in Baghdad on Sunday,

#1, Saad…I can call you Saad, right?  Because you SO are.  #1, he threw SHOES.  Not the most effective assassination attempt on record, honestly.  Yes, I know it is considered a grave insult in your backwards-assed culture to wave your shoe, or your foot, or your left nut at someone, but while you weren’t looking the rest of the world has gone right ahead and left the Dark Ages.  We’re all up here in the 21st century, enjoying margaritas, titty bars and high-yield IRAs Doritos.  Join us, won’t you?

And you, daughter-girl…

The daughter, Amal Saad Gumaa, said she agreed with the idea. “This is something that would honor me. I would like to live in Iraq, especially if I were attached to this hero,” she told Reuters by telephone.

Baby, you are dumber than toe lint.  I realize, HONEY, that you’re the inevitable product of your backwards-assed culture, but seriously…you’re a university student in Egypt, one of the less-backwards-assed of the Arab states, get on the fucking internet once in a while and see how the rest of us live.  That’s “by our own goddamned will,” thank you very much.

And Mister Shoe Thrower…  Just what is your problem?  Hating all that pesky freedom are you?  Well, we can surely understand that.  I can see how the constant fear of being lowered into an industrial shredder is a far more nurturing environment in which to live/raise children.  Hell, I can’t wait for our own Chosen One to start the Purges.  

Mainly so I can blow the living shit out of anyone who comes within twelve feet of my property line, but also the nurturing. 

*Not THAT way you prurient fuckers.

Via Weasel Zippers