My friends over at The Line is Here are better at this anti-nanny state bullshit, but they seem to be taking a break lately, so I think I’ll handle this one…

Gov. Paterson, as part of a $121 billion budget to be unveiled Tuesday, will propose an “obesity tax” of about 15% on nondiet drinks.

This means a Diet Coke might sell for a $1 – even as the same size bottle of its calorie-rich alter ego would go for $1.15.

As Zog is my witness, I will NEVER understand these nosy motherfuckers.  

Wait, that’s not true, I DO understand them.  They’re about as complex as flatworms.

Our Overlords say, and may even actually believe, that they’re doing what’s best for everyone else – and maybe that is actually true for about eleven minutes – but then their tiny little weiners get the hardest they’ve ever been – even harder than that time in the basement with the neighbor kid and Dad’s “art collection” – in the exercising of their authoritay and soon they just can’t stop.  The People (that’s you and me, kids) need help!  They’re all just the most pwecious snowfwakes EVAR and they just can’t be trusted with all that nasty sugar available to them wherever they go.  They must be SAVED!!!

Suck. My. Dick.  Would you just?  

I would like to say this nanny-state bullshit wouldn’t find a toehold in my beloved country of independent adventurers, but times change, and blood thins.  There are more than enough pussies here who LOVE the idea of being coddled by their government to keep these jackholes in business through seven eternities.  

Sweartagad, if we could somehow tap into the power generated by the sheer numbers of our ancestors SPINNING IN THEIR FUCKING GRAVES, we could fusion power the planet itself and go cruising around the fucking universe.

Mister Liberty Girl told me of this as we were walking into the local IHOP after a long evening of stimulating the goddamned economy, and I swear I nearly threw up a meal I hadn’t even eaten yet.

Bartow Ford alone, Robles said, employs more than 180. There are 149 Ford dealerships in the state, employing nearly 12,000. Additionally, Ford, which also owns Lincoln and Mercury, does business with 78 different suppliers in the state, Robles said.

“Ford, Lincoln and Mercury dealers have a significant economic impact in this community. Polk County depends on the sales tax revenue generated every year,” Robles said.

Beyond sales tax and the employment of thousands, communities also rely on the philanthropic donations of Ford, Robles said.

“The decision on the bridge loan affects each and every one of us in some way,” Robles said.

Yes, my 39 readers, that’s the owners of local car dealerships holding press conferences to point out to all us rubes how horrible the honest death of their untenable business would be.  I wonder what kind of a “stimulus package” they’ve been promised by corporate for these party tricks.

Son, I KNOW how the shuttering of Ford would affect me…I’d just keep buying Hondas, kthx.

There’s just no brain-mouth filter on these people:

The Capitol Visitors Center, which opened this morning, may have tripled its original budget and fallen years behind schedule, but Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid found a silver lining for members of Congress: tourists won’t offend them with their B.O. anymore.

“My staff tells me not to say this, but I’m going to say it anyway,” said Reid in his remarks. “In the summer because of the heat and high humidity, you could literally smell the tourists coming into the Capitol. It may be descriptive but it’s true.”

You should probably listen to your staff, dolt.  Then again, it seems you [D]s can say pretty much whatever you want and your constituency is just hunky dory with it.  

Personally, when I get insulted by someone who is socially beneath me – as would be every member of Congress, yes – I tend to bitterly cling even harder to my guns and religion (though probably not the one they’d expect) and sit outside with my ponytail flipped over my shoulder to ensure the uniform redness of my neck.

I would say you Dems had better learn some judicious self-censoring but your supporters have already indicated they’re just fine being the bottom to your top, are happy to receive any and all abuse it pleases you to hand out.  Just remind them to wear long sleeves when they leave the house, and that you only do it because you love them.

I tell you, there’s nothing quite so confidence-inspiring as hearing vague statements from your government regarding assloads of money.

In any case, the Obama economic adviser Austan Goolsbee also weighed in Sunday on television and said: “I don’t know what the number is going to be, but it’s going to be a big number. It has to be. The point is to, kind of, get people back on track and startle the thing into submission.”

What thing?  Russia?  The Boogeyman?  His boss?

Oh sorry, he’s not The Thing, he’s That One.  My mistake.

Seriously, “startle the thing into submission”?  What the fuck does that even mean?  If they won’t even admit what caused the issue (federally-mandated high-risk mortgages) then how can they have any hope of fixing it?

Every time I hear tell of yet another bailout for yet another corporation I grind a little more enamel off my molars.  This is not how a capitalist society functions.  If your business cannot make good decisions and remain solvent then tough shit, down you go.  

But I am remiss…we’re in the enlightened age now, the Age of Aquarius The Messiah, when the State has it’s eyes and dick in everything and we the people are its faithful servants.  And don’t you fuckin’ forget it either.

Jiminy Freakin’ Christmas.  You know if there’s anyone who you would hope would know the fucking meaning of the concept of “capitalism” it would be a guy who makes eleventy billion a year and is himself an actual Chief Executive Officer of a fucking corporation.  But noooo.

The CEOs of the big three automakers flew to the nation’s capital yesterday in private luxurious jets to make their case to Washington that the auto industry is running out of cash and needs $25 billion in taxpayer money to avoid bankruptcy.

As said taxpayer, my response is this:  Go. Straight.  To.  Hell.  

I didn’t really have a goddamned choice about the fucking 5 trillion bailout – well, other than to send my Congress Creatures scathing emails, calling into doubt both their ancestry and future prospects should they back such horseshit – and I probably don’t have a fucking choice about this either, but I’m going to keep emailing my Congress Creatures until they Get The Point.  

If American car companies can not figure out the magic, sooper-sekrit formula for remaining profitable, then fuck ‘em.  Down they go.  I’m all for consumption of domestic goods, but I’ve driven a Honda for the last five years BECAUSE IT’S A BETTER MADE PRODUCT.

Do you wonder, O Private Jet Riding CEOs, how to make yourselves profitable again?  Would you like moi, the ever so humble Liberty Girl, to enlighten you?

BREAK THE BACKS OF THE UNIONS AND KICK THEM OUT OF TOWN.

They were necessary at one time – when dying by fire in a ramshackle building due to shitty working conditions was a daily risk – but they are not freaking necessary any longer.  They’re professional extortionists at this point and honestly should be treated as such.

Oh, and here’s another problem:

Wagoner’s private jet trip to Washington cost his ailing company an estimated $20,000 roundtrip. In comparison, seats on Northwest Airlines flight 2364 from Detroit to Washington were going online for $288 coach and $837 first class.

*stare*  

“Reduce costs??  Feh, that’s for amateurs like Dell and Ingram.”  It’s like these people flunked basic high school economics, yet they’re running billion million thousand dollar industries, failing spectacularly at it, and attempting to manipulate us, THAT’S YOU AND ME FOR THOSE PLAYING ALONG AT HOME, into paying for it.

“We want to continue the vital role we’ve played for Americans for the past 100 years, but we can’t do it alone,” Wagoner told the Senate Banking Committee.

Times change.  Grifters never do.

(Via Ace)